Remember this guy? No? Hmmm, well most of you probably erased him from your memory banks. At least that’s what I would’ve done if my favorite team hired an abortion of a coach to replace the legendary Tuna immediately following a Super Bowl Championship. Anyway, you’re probably wondering, “What does Ray Handley have to do with the 2008 NY Giants?” Well, nothing really… save for the fact that he’s the embodiment of what’s bound to happen to a team when it loses the most important piece of its Super Bowl Championship squad and can’t replace it. For the 1990 G-men (they won the Supe in ‘91, dumby), that piece was Bill Parcells. For the 2007 Giants, it was the ridiculous pash-rush spearheaded by Michael Strahan and Osi Umenyiora. As you all know, Strahan’s now a Tiki Barber wannabe, and Osi will be moping around in crutches for the entire 2008 season. Good as Justin Tuck and Mathias Kiwanuka might be, they aren’t the caliber of Senor Gap-tooth and Big U. I’m not sure trading away a Pro-Bowl-type tight end was the greatest idea either, especially when you consider that Jeremy Shockey ended up with a team that will likely contend with the Giants for one of the NFC’s Wild Card spots. So, what does this all mean? An 8-8 season, no playoffs, and maybe a head or two on the chopping block. Oh yeah– the frustration starts tonight: Redskins 24 over GIANTS (-3.5) 21

We just had our first weekend of football with the College season kicking off on Thursday and all top 25 teams playing by Monday. (I had Utah beating Michigan, by the way. Just ask my friend Gus whom I warned not to bet Michigan as he planned his wagers for the day.) And as much as I love college football, what really excites me about this college football opening weekend is that is signifies the only a few short days until the NFL regular season kicks off. I highly doubt this season will be able to compare to last season strictly football wise. Even if the Giants went undefeated and repeated as Super Bowl Champions, it would still fall short of the improbable post season run the Giants went on last year, with incredibly exciting game after incredibly exciting game, and capped off with the greatest Super Bowl in history. Luckily we as Americans live in a free society and accordingly, along with our right to choose our government, our right to free speech and our ability to practice whatever foolish religion we please, we have the ability to gamble on the NFL. And that, my friends, is what makes this country of ours great.

Just like last year I will guide you through each week of the NFL season and tell you exactly who to put your hard-earned money on in order to make things more interesting outside of the Giants game and your fantasy team. Those of you who followed my advice last year made out quite well, especially in the playoffs, and I sincerely hope I can help you to make even more money this year (particularly since I personally make every single bet I suggest on this site). Also just like last year, I will begin the season with some picks for my favorite prop bet to make: the over/under on regular season wins.

Last year I didn’t do as well with these bets as I did during the season. For every great call I made (how many people believed me that Tampa would win more than 7 games?) there was a big disappointment (where did the browns come off winning ten games?) and I ended up .500 on the over/under win total bets. Believe me I was as frustrated with that performance as those of you the followed me. I spent the offseason doing much self reflection and soul searching, and I feel like I’m ready to come back with an improved performance this season. So without further ado, here are the first MFH bets for the 2008 NFL season:

St. Louis Rams OVER 6 ½: The Rams were decimated by injuries last year. They are not a great team, but they’re not as bad as they looked last year. They play in a bad decision where they get to play Arizona and San Fransisco twice. I think they surprise people and win 8 games this year.

New York Giants OVER 8 ½: I’m breaking a big rule of mine with this bet, but the Giants won ten games last year against a much tougher schedule. Yes they are down Strahan and Umeniora from that team, not to mention Gabril Wilson and Kawika Mitchell, but I think Eli really turned a corner at the end of the season and will show that his postseason play was no fluke. As long as that happens the Giants should win ten again this year.

San Fransisco 49ers UNDER 6 ½: I’m breaking another newly created rule on this one (like anything successful my rules are always evolving). I don’t like going under low win totals for teams who were bad the previous year unless the over/under is especially high. This is because year in and year out the NFL demonstrates its tremendous parity with thought-to-be bad teams providing big upside surprises. We rarely see teams down for very long. The 49ers won five games last season. In this case, however, I can’t see how the 49ers are going to win 7 games this year. I mean their quarterback is JT O’Sullivan. Just who is JT O’Sullivan? Supposedly he’s been in the league for six years but I’ve never heard of him. That doesn’t bode well for the Niners. Because of this and the fact that their offensive line is still sub-par I can’t see San Fransisco celebrating more than 5 wins again this season.

New England Patriots OVER 12: Come on. The Patriots went undefeated last year (that is until they lost to the Super Bowl Champion New York Giants) and their schedule is easier this year (Editor’s note: the easiest in the entire NFL to be exact). They added Jarod Mayo to their linebacking core to give them a little more speed there and more importantly still have Tom Brady, Randy Moss, and Wes Welker. Do I think they’ll go undefeated again? No. But I don’t think they win four less games than last year against easier competition either.

Come back Friday for my Week one bets!

I wanted to write about Danica Patrick’s cat fight with Milka Duno, but the Giants made a big move that needs to be discussed. A few weeks ago I told you that I heard from a reliable source about an unlikely trade of Jeremy Shockey for Twinkle Toes Taylor. I also said that despite the reliable source, I didn’t see why it would happen from either team’s perspective. It turns out they did end up being traded at pretty much the same time, just not for each other. The dancing Dolphin was traded into the NFC East, but to the rival Redskins. Shockey was sent to the south, but the NFC South and the New
Orleans Saints.

I think the trade makes sense for the Saints. But being a Giants fan, I couldn’t care less about that side of the trade. Is it a good trade for the Giants? I’m not sure. Shockey is very gifted as an athlete and has the skills of a top-five tight end. He is as complete a tight end as you’ll find, which has become a rare commodity in the NFL; he is a great blocker and a true weapon as a pass catcher. And I know it seems like Shockey’s been around for a while, but he’s only 27. Kevin Boss filled in admirably for Shockey after Jeremy broke his leg, but those who are ready to count Boss as an adequate replacement for Shockey are drawing from a very small sample size. The guy showed some skills getting open and catching the ball, but he was an unknown to defenses who were much more concerned with limiting receptions for Plax and Amani. Additionally, it’s been well documented by the coaches that, despite his size, Boss is not (yet) nearly the blocker Shockey is.

On the other hand, Shockey can lose focus at times and drop passes… key passes. More importantly, though, Jeremy has been known to act like a baby. His selfish crying has been a major distraction to the rest of the team. Nobody but Eli knows for sure, but the evidence pointed to Manning being much more comfortable quarterbacking the Giants when he didn’t feel like he had to force the ball to Shockey ten times a game. It’s entirely possible that Eli’s coming of age as an NFL quarterback just happened to coincide with Shockey’s absence from the lineup and the two were completely unrelated, just like it’s entirely possible that the beautiful chick that was totally into me for a little while actually suddenly had something better going on just as I was entering the “extremely drunk” zone Saturday night. The bottom line is if Shockey was as unhappy as a Giant as he led us all to believe, then he was going to be a poison in the locker room and needed to go.

Everyone has their opinion as to whether this was a good trade for the Giants or not. However, the fact is only Eli Manning knows if Shockey’s antics truly hurt his performance. Only the coaches have seen enough of Kevin Boss to know if he’s capable of replacing Shockey. And only the Giants organization truly knows how happy/unhappy Shockey was and how much of a distraction he was threatening to be. Journalists don’t know. Talk radio hosts don’t know. Drunks in the bar don’t know.

If Shockey was truly unhappy the trade needed to happen. My only question is: why didn’t it happen on Draft Day? The Giants were offered this very deal on the day of the 2008 NFL draft and passed on it. If the Giants took the deal back then, they could have used the extra second round pick (number 40 overall - next year it won’t be as high) on a linebacker like Tavares Gooden or one of a number of very good corners that were still available at 40 but gone by the time the Giants picked at 63 (and it turns out they could have then grabbed Gooden at 63). The Giants could have taken a very good player at a position they needed to address and therefore helped themselves THIS YEAR rather than wait until 2009 for any benefit from the trade.

Forced to choose, I think this was probably a good trade by the Giants. Hopefully Eli will continue to excel as he’s able to relax and find the open receiver regardless of who it is and hopefully Kevin Boss will continue to improve and become a top level tight end in the NFL. If these two things happen, the trade will prove to have been a good one for the Giants, but it still should have happened on draft day.

What do you think about the trade? Share your thoughts below or email me at mfh@subwaychatter.com

While the Giants may have improved their team chemistry by trading Jeremy Shockey, they have placed the success of the 2008 season on the fragile shoulders of Plaxico Burress. I know Shockey was crazy, sensitive and a sometimes divisive figure in the locker room. But, he was the Giants best blocking tight end, best receiving tight end, and the second-best playmaker on offense behind #17. Now with Shockey gone, Plaxico basically becomes the Giants’ lone receiving option. Many of you are thinking “Hey, that scenario worked out pretty well for us this past January/February,” but my question is “What happens if Plax gets hurt?” Who does Eli get the ball to then? Good character may get you a Boy Scout badge, but in the NFL talent rules (Adam “Pacman” Jones, Terrell Owens, Ray Lewis, Randy Moss, the list goes on-and-on). With this trade, the Giants have not only fallen behind the Cowboys and their all-star roster, but now the Eagles have to be considered a threat with a healthy Donovan McNabb, the always ridiculous Brian Westbrook, and a much-improved defense led by Asante Samuel. Right now it looks like the Giants are in store for another mediocre 7-9 season and I have a better chance of winning the lottery than Plaxiglass has of staying healthy for 16 games.

The hands on the hips say it all: “I was the G-Men’s poster boy my first couple of seasons, and then I didn’t get involved as much as I wanted, and we were one and done in the playoffs a few times, and then I was still pissy after we won a SuperBowl (one in which I sat out with a broken leg), but now things are better ’cause I get to play with Reggie Bush.”

While this sounds like a trade made in Madden Heaven if you’re living in N’Awlins, it’s gotta make you question whether Shockey ever truly embraced being a G-Man. After 9/11 he came back with that ridic tat that screamed “U.S. pride” — and even more so “NY pride” — but now he plans to trade in the Big Apple and a SuperBowl ring for a pair of floaties… what, to soon?

Stephon Marbury, Gary Sheffield, and now you can add Jeremy Shockey to the list of bush league cry babies who are unworthy of calling New York “home.”

Was there some kind of championship won in Boston last night or something? Even if there was, who really cares now that we got this terrible news. Though look at the bright side: that’s two extra Sundays on which we’ll be able to do something other than watch golf now that Eldrick won’t be partaking in the British Open and the PGA Championship (seriously, don’t pretend like you weren’t going to watch after you missed out on all drama at Torrey Pines this past weekend). By the way, doesn’t Tiger’s win just become that much more incredible now that we all know he was literally playing on one leg? Now there’s a real gamer. You hear that, Chienny-Ming? Damn, Tiger not only churns out majors like a U.S. army base, but then he goes ahead and kicks Rocco Mediate out of his underdog role after-the-fact because, honestly, regardless of whether you’re a 45-year-old, over-the-hill chump, you should be able to beat a cripple, no? Ah, Tiger– your greatness knows no bounds. Goodluck with the surgery and see you next year.

PS– About that Boston championship that may or may not have happened last night: obviously what I’m about to say brings me no joy whatsoever, but has there ever been a city that owns the sports world like Beantown does right now? And after seeing the way the C’s absolutely demolished Kobe and Co. this series, you really have to wonder if the conspiracy theorists were right about the Giants’ victory in Super Bowl XLII– that as part of the Patriots’ punishment for Spygate, they had to throw the Super Bowl. I mean really, can you offer any other rational explanation as to why the Patriots are still trying to get a copyright on “19-0″?

Michael Anthony Strahan announced his retirement this week after fifteen seasons with the New York Giants. During his career he amassed 141 ½ sacks (fifth all time), including 22 ½ during the 2001 season (so what if the final one was cheaper than 5AM hooker in a Vegas casino) which is a single season record. He had at least one sack in every season of his career and he was still the defensive leader during Big Blue’s run to the Super Bowl this past season. Strahan’s final sack came during a Super Bowl victory in which he led the Giants’ front four in putting relentless pressure on Tom Brady. Fitting.

Lost on many non-Giants fans is the fact that Strahan was at least as good a run stopper as he was a pass rusher. He has the sack numbers to prove his pass rushing prowess, but you had to really watch the games to pick up just how good he was against the run. If he wasn’t making a play on the ball carrier, he was forcing a cut-back inside or taking on two blockers to allow the linebackers a free run at the guy. He shed blockers like Nicole Richie (AKA Skeletor) shed calories and forced the runner back into the teeth of the defense. During his fifteen-year career, Michael Strahan was one of the most complete defensive ends in football. In an age when defensive linemen generally specialize as pass rushers or run stoppers (or in the case of Jason Taylor, prancing around like fairies on national television), Michael Strahan excelled at both (and who knows, maybe he’s a hell of a dancer too), earning him seven Pro Bowl selections and eventually a Super Bowl ring (upon which is scribed a weak-ass tag instead of one of my far superior suggestions). In fact, replacing Strahan the run stopper will probably be tougher than replacing Strahan the pass rusher. But more on that later.

In addition to his on-field playing ability, Michael Strahan was one of the best leaders in the NFL. He made everyone on the Giants play better. His infectious personality kept his teammates’ loose and their minds in the game. His undeniable love for football rubbed off on those around him. He kept everyone loose and having fun, and it can’t be overstated how important that is for a team. His incredible work ethic served as a wonderful example for younger Giants’ players. Granted he did skip camp last summer and I killed Jason Taylor for that recently, but I genuinely think Strahan was considering retirement at the time and his excuse didn’t involve dancing. Also, Jason Taylor’s work ethic is not nearly as renowned as Strahan’s.

There is no question the Giants are going to miss Strahan. They’re going to miss his consistent pressure on the quarterback, his uncanny run-stopping ability, and probably most of all his leadership on the field and in the locker room. Luckily though, Big Blue does have a capable man to step in and attempt to fill the void left by Strahan’s retirement. Justin Tuck is a hell of a defensive end. I’ve been a fan of his ever since his rookie year out of Notre Dame and last year he proved he can be an effective part of the Giants defensive front – six tackles including two sacks in the Super Bowl should be enough to convince anyone. Tuck is a big, strong defensive end with great pass rushing skills. He’s strong enough to play well against the run, but he doesn’t yet have the instincts or use his hands well enough to be a truly complete end the way Strahan was. He’s still quite young though and can certainly develop into an all-round great defensive lineman. In nickel situations the Giants will still be able to roll Tuck inside to defensive tackle and move Mathias Kiwanuka to defensive end (his natural position) so they have four legitimate pass rushers on the line. There’s also the possibility Kiwanuka moves back to defensive end full time, but I won’t get into that now. Of course losing a player of Strahan’s caliber hurts the Giants somewhat, but they have a player that can fill in well and still will have one of the best defensive lines in the league.

So goodbye #92. It’s been a great fifteen years and we’ll miss you. But hopefully not that much.

Last night the New York Football Giants picked up their Super Bowl XLII rings from Tiffany’s. Most of the team was there, including departed players Gabril Wilson and Kawika Mitchell. However, not in attendance was Jeremy Shockey. Make of that what you will. But back to the rings - the decision makers completely ignored my suggestions and settled on a tag on the rings that reads “11 straight on the road.” To me that tag is a little weak for the hardware symbolizing the Giants’ amazing run through the playoffs. I will give you, Subway Chatter Nation, ten of my suggestions on what they should’ve put on the rings, and you tell me if they made the right choice:

“Unlike the Yankees in 2004, we didn’t choke this one away to a Boston team”

“Maybe Eli wasn’t a huge bust”

“The Patriots proved to be as invincible as communist Russia”

“Tiki Who?”

“Making people run drunk and shirtless through the streets” (ok maybe that one is a little too inside)

“The chances of us winning 2-straight are about as good as Ugly Betty making it into the Maxim Hot 100”

“I ended the Patriots’ undefeated season and all I got was this stupid ring?”

“Tony Romo may have bagged Carrie Underwood and Jessica Simpson, but he doesn’t have one of these”

“Now do you want to f*** me?”

“Pounding Tom Brady worse than Giselle with a dildo”

Send in your ideas for the tag for the New York Giants Super Bowl rings to mfh@subwaychatter.com or just use the comment button below…

So when I sold my soul to writing about my first love– NY sports– I also agreed to refrain from writing about my favorite football team… unless, of course, they were playing in the Super Bowl or involved in any other kind of story, like oh, I don’t know, something like Spygate, perhaps, that was eminently newsworthy. Well this, my friends, is one of those instances:

After brokering a deal to protect himself, former New England Patriots employee Matt Walsh has finally turned over his evidence in the videotaping controversy.

“Mr. Walsh has never claimed to have a tape of the walk-through,” said Walsh’s lawyer Michael Levy, according to the Times. “Mr. Walsh has never been the source of any of the media speculation about such a tape. Mr. Walsh was not the source for the Feb. 2 Boston Herald article.”

I’ve said this before during our blog’s nascent stages, and I’ll say it again: I’m not ready to call what the Patriots’ did “cheating” simply because every other team in the league is/has been stealing their opponents’ signals for years now (maybe now they’ve stopped for fear of getting fined and/or losing draft picks) and the Pats were just unfortunate enough to piss off a former employee (Eric Mangini) and got squealed on. Don’t believe me? Just read here and you’ll see what I mean. Now just remember, I didn’t say what they did wasn’t illegal, I just said you can’t really call it cheating if everyone is else is doing it in a league-sanctioned way. A lot of people want to equate illegality with cheating, but the two are mutually exclusive, no matter what some self-righteous pundit tells you.

Anyways, that’s besides the point. The main thing I’m wondering about here is what is going to happen to John Tomase now that it’s blatantly obvious he dreamed up the whole “the Pats taped walk-throughs to win championships” thing in order to make a career for himself. I mean think about it, isn’t what he did a million times worse than what Belichick and Co. did? At least the Pats were trying to win football games and bring joy to their legions of fans around the globe. But this guy was just looking out for #1. He’s a no-name columnist working for a major newspaper– which when you think about it, just speaks to what a joke he is if he’s writing for publication in the U.S.’s sixth largest market and no one knows who the f@#k he is– and he thought he’d make up some ridiculous story that pretty much everyone would buy into because Bill Belichick is obviously more evil than Osama Bin Laden, and at the end of the day he’d land some gig on Around the Horn, or wherever else newspapers send their worst writers to waste time so they can’t produce even more crappy articles, and live happily every after. But sadly, for John Tomase, that day will never come because he was exposed for the fraud that he is. And while America will tolerate sh*tty journalism, the one thing they won’t put up with is a liar. So enjoy your five minutes of fame, John Tomase, and good luck finding a new job.

All you Giants fans/non-Pats fans will love this. Needless to say, I’m not the least bit happy about it. Still, there’s no denying that Cartman’s portrayal of Edward James Olmos is Oscar-worthy.

Giants’ linebacker Antonio Pierce is facing animal neglect charges because one of his pit bulls caught a cold while he was away prepping for the Super Bowl. These people can’t be serious, can they? First of all, I’m pretty sure the dog was underweight because it was sick. I mean call me crazy, but having your pet lose its appetite while its under the weather seems pretty standard issue to me. Plus, it would be kinda strange for him to neglect one dog and not the other. Maybe the healthy one just started running shit when Antonio left, ate all the food, and told his buddy to go f@$k himself cause he was the man of the house now. Either way, if they busted down a fence to escape, I’m thinking the “sick” one was just faking it so he wouldn’t have to go to behavior class that day.

But wow, thankfully Pierce isn’t facing any jail time. I was starting to get worried there for a second. And no kidding the Giants had no comment. The only thing you could say to something like this is, “Why don’t you take this summons and shove it right up your ass,” but I’m pretty sure alienating the hometown government right after a Super Bowl Championship isn’t what the G-men are looking to accomplish here. Though my guess is if Walt Mychalchyk and the rest of his pals at SPCA were living in Nazi occupied Holland during WWII, “The Diary of Anne Frank” would have been a whole lot shorter.

Now that the wonderful 2007 NFL season has come to a fantastic conclusion, it’s time to begin looking towards the 2008 season. We, as Giants fans, need to think about what we are going to demand from Jerry Reese in order to have a good chance to defend our title. Before we think about what we want, however, we need to ascertain exactly what we have. I have taken it upon myself to grade the team going forward, by position, on a -2 to +2 scale, where -2 is bad, 0 is average, and +2 is great. This was no easy task, as some members of the team looked like completely different players in the beginning of the year and at the end of the year. The secondary, for instance could have been a -4 after the first three games of the season, but by the end they were looking pretty good. In order to accurately grade each position I have undertaken countless hours of grueling research and film study, so if you disagree with me, you are probably wrong. In any case, your comments are welcome below, or by email at mfh@subwaychatter.com. We’ll begin with the most important position…

Offensive line +2: There can be little debate here. The offensive line was the most consistent unit/player on the team throughout the year. They never got embarrassed like other offensive lines did against the Giants’ front 4, and at times they straight up dominated other teams up front. At the beginning of the season I was worried about the lack of depth, but they stayed healthy most of the year, and if they can continue to stay healthy, they’ll be one of the best units in the game for years to come.

Quarterback +1: This one is tough. After the week 15 loss to Washington I was ready to give Eli a -.5 or -1, as he looked no better than he had been since he came into the league. He was still making bad decisions and making errant throws to wide open receivers. In week 17 he began a great five game stretch where he made good decisions and accurate throws, while leading this team to a Super Bowl title. During the run that really began in that week 17 game, he didn’t have a single turnover that was his fault, which is exactly the kind of ball security we need from him going forward. Eli could very well regress back to old Eli and this becomes a -1, but if he continues to play like he did in the final five games of the season, eliminating mistakes and making plays when it’s needed of him, the Giants will have one of the top five quarterbacks in the league.

Running Backs +1: No one can argue that Ahmad Bradshaw was a supremely pleasant surprise complementing Brandon Jacobs. He has great quickness and vision, and he hits holes hard. He’s going to be a very solid back in this league. Jacobs, at times, looks good, and at others looks soft. There are runs of his that remind me of Ron Dayne, and every Giants fan remembers how painful it was to watch that fat wuss run the ball. He has the upright running style of Chris Brown, which exposes him to more punishment than most backs, and like Brown this leads to his getting nicked up a lot. He also has had some fumbling problems that need to be corrected, and could improve in catching the ball out of the backfield. We must remember, though, that he’s still young and has a lot of talent, and I still think he can be a very good ball carrier.

Wide Receivers +.5: I had a difficult time settling on a grade for the pass catchers. Plax is nasty, he’s a great number 1 to have. Toomer is solid, but he’s going to be a year older next year. The other Steve Smith began to come on in the end (and had a great Super Bowl minus the drop that turned into Eli’s only pick of the postseason) and I think he could be the next Amani, but he needs to continue to progress. Sinorice Moss has been a major disappointment and I can’t expect much out of him until he shows me something. David Tyree had a huge Super Bowl with the Giants first TD catch and, of course, THE catch. However, he’s really more of a special teams guy, and I’m not going to get all excited about a couple good plays, even if they came in the biggest game of his career. I don’t expect a lot from him as a receiver in the future, but he’s still a great special teamer.

Tight End +.5: Big Blue made their big run without Shockey, and Kevin Boss filled in admirably. Boss showed signs that he can be a very good tight end for the Giants going forward. Although Shockey was missing for the run, and there has been talk that his absence helped the Giants, I don’t buy it. It’s been pointed out that Shockey was absent when the Giants shifted into overdrive at the end of the season, and I hear people talk about his antics being a locker room distraction, and a hindrance to Eli’s progression. There may be something to such arguments, but the guys on the team talk about how they love his passion and fire. His coaches praise his blocking, which for a tight end is at least as important as pass catching ability, and contrary to the position some critics have taken, I think the Giants win the Super Bowl with him in the lineup. Still, he loses focus at times and drops easy balls, and there’s always potential for a dumb penalty from him. Although he’s very talented, he’s not yet an elite tight end.

Defensive Line +2: Another one with little debate. The defensive line was masterful in the second half of the year. I had some questions about Strahan after a mostly ineffective 2006 season and a holdout from training camp, but he was outstanding again in 2007. Osi was fantastic on the other end, as most people expected. The most pleasant surprise came from Barry Cofield and Fred Robbins at the tackle positions. They did a great job stuffing up the middle against the run, and were also able to get after the quarterback at times against the pass. Justin Tuck also needs to be mentioned here. I was a big fan of his last year and was fully confident in his ability to step in for Strahan if he needed some time after joining the team late. Tuck proved to be very important, spelling the two ends, as well as playing tackle in passing situations. Everyone remembers his superb performance in the Super Bowl, but he was great all year long. Don’t forget, too, Mathias Kiwanuka was an outstanding defensive end in his rookie season. Hopefully the Giants will not repeat the failed experiment of Kiwi playing linebacker and put him back on the line next year where he belongs.

Linebackers +.5: As a unit, they are very solid, but not great. Kawika Mitchell struggled early, but came on in the second half of the season once he got used to playing outside linebacker and playing in a new system. He is by no means elite, but I have confidence in him when he’s on the field. After an outstanding 2006 season, Antonio Pierce came back with a solid 2007, leading the team in tackles again (as is to be expected from your middle linebacker). In addition to his fine play, Pierce is a great leader and a great character guy in the locker room. Reggie Torbor was the weak point of the linebacker unit, and I would not mind seeing him replaced in the offseason. Gerris Wilkinson showed some great promise towards the end of his rookie season in 2006, but for some reason he barely saw the field in 2007. I expected him to be a contributor this year, especially after the season-ending injury to Kiwanuka, but he saw less action than Hitler at a Jewish singles event. I don’t know if he was in the coaching staff’s doghouse or he simply didn’t play as well in practice as I would have expected him to, but I still hold out hope that he’ll be a good linebacker for the Giants in the future. As previously stated, Mathias Kiwanuka began the season as the strongside linebacker, an experiment that did not work. The guy is a beast on the D line, but he just doesn’t seem to have the feet to play linebacker, especially in pass coverage. I, for one, would love to see Kiwi moved back to defensive end (I realize that leaves the Giants with a glut of great defensive ends, but what are you gonna do) and see Jerry Reese replace the Torbor/Kiwanuka position in the draft or with a free agent (like perhaps Lance Briggs).

Cornerbacks 0: This one could have been a -2 up until the week 17 game against New England. Aaron Ross looks like he could finally be the number one type corner the Giants have been desperately in search of for five years. Corey Webster finally started to show something in the final five games of the season. Kevin Dockery looks like a competent corner much of the time, and Sam Madison and RW McQuarters can both handle the nickel and dime corner spots. This group could possibly be pretty good next year. However, they could also go back to the way they were in the first few games of this season and look like the guy in pick up basketball who is on defense but thinks he’s on offense. I’m holding out hope for the former, but I’d still like to see another solid addition to this unit just in case.

Safeties 0: I love Gabril Wilson, and he alone is a +1. He’s one of the best run support safeties in the league, but he could stand to improve a bit in pass coverage. James Butler, on the other hand, STINKS! He is clearly a -2 and the Giant’s number one priority in the off season needs to be finding a replacement strong safety. I was happy to see Will Demps go because he was no good, however I didn’t imagine he’d be replaced by someone even worse. This is a guy who can’t cover or tackle anybody. I can’t count the number of times this season (even late when everyone else was playing very well) when I’d see a Giant make an atrocious attempt at a tackle and be made to look silly, only to see the number 37 on his jersey and say, “of course, f***in’ Butler again.”

Kicker -1.5: He was inconsistent all year, missing easy field goals, and even extra points. Yes, I know he made a 47 yarder to beat Green Bay and send the Giants to the Super Bowl, but I haven’t forgotten the two easier kicks he flubbed to make me sweat through an overtime (and suggest to my friend that we may want to kill Mr. Larry Tynes).

Punter +1: It’s Feagles man. He’s old, but he’s still as solid as they come.

Special Teams -.5: The punt team is good, mainly because of Feagles and Tyree. Their return teams could use work. McQuarters needs to stop returning punts, I don’t mind Hixon back there. I’d also like to see Bradshaw returning kicks.

Coaching +1: Spags rules, we all know that. I was (as I’m sure most of you were) worried that he’d be stolen away by Dan Snyder, but instead he reupped for three more years with the G-Men. He did a fantastic job emphasizing the strengths of the Giants D and hiding the weaknesses. He’s a +2 easily. Kevin Gilbride is another story. I received numerous strange looks from bar patrons yelling curses at Gilbride and his perplexing play calling throughout the season. Yet, when you sit back and look at the year as a whole, the offense did a pretty good job scoring this year, especially when you consider that Eli was Old Eli for most of it. I will admit I was not a fan of Tom Coughlin going into this season. I wanted to see him go after watching the Giants make a mockery of the game of football in the second half of each of the last two seasons. By all accounts though, he metamorphosed into a quasi players coach, and finally we saw Big Blue playing hard for him at the end of the year. After the season the Giants just had, it’s tough to be down on the head coach.

Needs: As I wrote above, the number one need for the Giants in the off season is a starting free safety that doesn’t suck. I would like one who can play some pass defense, but I’d settle for anyone who appears to at least be aware of what sport they are playing. One other starting position that I would like to see a new face in is weak side linebacker. Reggie Torbor just doesn’t cut it for me. I’d like to see a speedy type linebacker used in this position A good free agent out there is Lance Briggs, formerly of the Bears, although he could be a little too expensive. Another, less pressing needs, include a speedy wide receiver who can stretch the defense. This would be a number 3 or 4 type guy who can always present a deep, big play threat, but isn’t a “me” guy. An ideal free agent pick up would be Andre Davis, who played very well for the Texans last year when he was given an opportunity (and I happened to play with in high school). I would also like to see the Jerry Reese grab a cornerback, where the Giants could use depth, and any team can always use a great corner if they can find one. Other areas to be addressed would be defensive tackle and offensive line where the Giants need depth.

Let the debates begin! Post any messages you have agreeing or disagreeing with my grades or comment below…

I’m not sure if this video is as funny as “The ‘downfall’ of the Cowboys” version, but if you’re a Giants fan, any of this stuff has premium entertainment value right now. (I’m gonna go puke in a corner somewhere, don’t mind me.)

I’m not really one to say, “I told you so,” well yes I am. I TOLD YOU SO. And you thought I pulled that “power of three” stuff out of my ass didn’t you? I’ve been too busy celebrating to double check, but I’m pretty sure this game ended with a three point spread. Those of you who did not follow my advice, despite my stellar record, are a little poorer now because of it. I, on the other hand, can now afford to take a girl out to dinner without going through this scenario: (holding coupon in hand) “I will have the chicken and she will have something of equal or lesser value.” (I thank my friend Radio for that little anecdote). As the resident gambling expert on Subway Chatter I had to start this article quickly boasting about my final (and greatest) win of the season, which brought my playoff record to an absurd 9-2 against the spread (Many of you don’t know this, but I was actually the inspiration for the movie, “Two for the Money.”)

More so than the money though, I am enjoying the Giants’ win as a long-time Giants fan who had to put up with Patriots fans arrogantly dismissing the chances of the Giants to even keep this game close. They didn’t seem to care that the Giants had played them evenly this season, or that the Giants’ defense had the perfect make up to slow down the “unstoppable” Patriots’ offense (a front 4 good enough to create pressure on Brady without sacrificing too many guys to the blitz). They didn’t care that Eli was playing like an All-Pro or that the Patriots weren’t playing with anywhere near the killer instinct they had in the first half of the season. Now I’m not going to pretend like I thought the Giants were going to win this game. I only predicted they’d keep it close and…well the following conversation from Sunday at 2:30pm sums it up pretty well:

Grizzly: “So what do you think?”

MFH: “ I don’t know man, they’re going to have to avoid turnovers and prevent the big play on defense. It’s going to be tough with the Hoodie having two weeks to prepare…”

Grizzly: “I know, but I have a pretty good feeling…”

MFH: “Yeah exactly. When I think about it objectively, I can see them keeping it close, and they could have a chance if everything goes right, but I would have to pick the Pats, gun to my head. However, in my gut I have a pretty good feeling and I don’t know why.”

Grizzly: “Exactly!”

Am I clairvoyant? All the females out there who have seen/heard me do/say the wrong thing would declare no, but you can’t argue with the evidence.

The Giants began the game with the longest drive in Super Bowl history, a drive that was marked by some key third and long conversions and solid play by the eventual MVP, Elijah “F-You, World” Manning. The G-men only got three points out of it, but the drive made me feel good, and all the time it took made me think about the 1991 Super Bowl, when the Giants used ball control to take out the Buffalo Bills. When the Patriots came right back and scored a touchdown, call me crazy, but I wasn’t that nervous, though admittedly I had some help with that thanks to my friend Anheuser-Busch.

At halftime I had a few more phone conversations with friends, and we all had the same feeling: They made a few mistakes and are still only down 7-3. I feel good about that. They really can win this game, but they need to eliminate the mistakes.

Fast forward to the fourth quarter: I won’t degrade it by trying to describe the best quarter in Super Bowl history, a quarter that provided arguably the greatest play in Super Bowl history. All I will say is THAT is how you want to win a championship. THAT kind of excitement and THAT kind of drama, all culminating in a championship winning score with less than a minute to go, capping off an incredible upset of truly historic significance. Even if you are a fan of neither team, hell, even if you only watch the Super Bowl for the (consistently disappointing for five years running) commercials, how could you not be on the edge of your seat, holding your breath during that final Giants drive? But as a Giants fan, is there any way to describe the feeling after a win like that? The Patriots fans actually know what I’m talking about. They celebrated a similar win in 2002 over the Rams. For the rest of you out there, I will make an inevitably futile attempt to capture the elation.

You know that celebrity you have a big crush on? Not the one you want to bang because she’s a smoking hot, A-list actress, but the beautiful, elegant, down-to-earth one you’re sort of in love with even though you’ve never met her. Well imagine you’re at a party and she shows up…with that douchey celebrity heartthrob who’s nailed every hot chick in Hollywood. So you figure you have no chance (not like you every actually did anyway) and make a play for some aspiring actress from Kansas and you tell her you’re the one guy in the group that wrote/produced “The 40 Year Old Virgin,” “Knocked Up,” and “Super Bad” who wasn’t actually in any of them. Then suddenly, three-sixteenths of the way through the party you hear yelling coming from the direction of your dream girl and you look over to see her slap Douchey VonDouchenburg across the face. (Are you picturing this?) After waiting fifteen minutes for her to cool off and for a couple losers to unsuccessfully pick her up with the same lame trash, you somehow muster up the courage to calmly glide up to her and begin talking to her (like a real person). Things are going pretty well and she invites you to an after-party which, obviously, excites the hell out of you…until you realize she’s invited half the party and every guy is much better looking than you. At the after-party you talk to a couple attractive young women you’ve seen in an episode of CSI: Miami and Criminal Minds (which rules by the way).

As you’re making these girls laugh their asses off with your charm and wit, you notice your dream girl eyeing you. You excuse yourself and proceed over to her, thinking, “This will never happen, but I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t try.” Again things go well, you have her smiling, laughing, gently brushing your arm, playing with…wait, did I say brushing you arm? She touched you? No way! Is she actually into you? What do you do now? You need another drink. So you excuse yourself for a moment and head off for another drink and a pep talk from your buddies who were just rejected by the cast of the most recent Real World. You sip your drink, take a deep breath, and…uh oh, who’s that impossibly good looking, athletically built dude she’s talking to? Is that freaking Tom Brady!? What’s he doing talking to my dream girl? Your buddy sees the bewilderment/despair on your face and informs you that he and Giselle had split up…oh and in a recent interview, your dream girl had singled out Tom Brady as the one guy on the planet she’d like to date. And not that he needs it, but Tom has Randy Moss running wing for him. You all but give up hope when the CSI and Criminal Minds girls walk up to you and give you each of their numbers, saying they have to leave, but they’d love it if you got together with them soon.

You combine the confidence boost this gives you with just the right amount of liquor and decide you will not go down to Tom Brady without a fight. You start to head over to your dream girl and notice the entire Patriots offensive line standing in between you and her (wow, so their relationship really is like in those credit card commercials). You enlist the help of Bob Kelly (the star of Dane Cook’s Tourgasm), who despite being a fat piece of garbage, is a funny dude. He distracts the O-line and you move in. Out of the corner of your eye you spot the woman who is suing Randy Moss (which is amazing since you have no idea what she looks like) and grab her. You and she walk over to your dream girl, Tom Brady, and Randy Moss, who has a panicked look on his face when he sees his accuser. Randy makes a run for it and it’s just you and Tom Brady, still an enormous mismatch (like that even needed to be said). Somehow, though, Mr. Brady isn’t on his game. He misses a few openings, openings that you jump on immediately because you, on the other hand, are out-of-your-mind good tonight. As you continue to make your dream girl laugh, Tom mostly just stands there, interjecting occasionally with dumb comments. He’s not saying anything remotely intelligent or funny, and he’s starting to look like he feels a little awkward… and was that him who just farted? Holy shit, you actually could do this because this girl is really feeling you now!

Suddenly though, Brady snaps out of his trance and starts bringing some real game. He senses the urgency of the situation and asks her if she wants to go back with him and take the private jet he chartered to Paris. What can you say to counter that? You can’t give up though, so you throw something out there, “Sure, you can take a private jet to Paris with the guy who’s won three Super Bowl rings, or you can come with me to a diner and grab some pie. I didn’t hear the Golden Boy offer you any pie.” (and it’s all in the tone of voice, so make sure you get that right). Then you tag it with, “And you’re going to want to make sure to grab a couple friends for my boys over there.”

“Manning throws it up to Burress in the end zone…”

The whole party (world) watches in stunned silence, unable to believe that they just witnessed you, the regular guy, compete with Tom Brady over a girl and the outcome is still up in the air…

“Sorry Tom,” she says, “I just think I’d have more fun with MFH (or insert your own name).”

“AND BURRESS CATCHES IT FOR A TOUCHDOWN!!”

You head out of the party with your dream girl on your arm, with the entire party continuing to watch in stunned silence, smiles on their faces, shaking their heads back and forth in disbelief.

The next morning you wake up in her bed. She’s no longer there, but you know she once was because you can still smell the scent of her perfume. You cross your hands behind your head and think, “Wow, I can’t believe it, it really happened. I actually spent the night with my dream girl.”

Yeah, it’s kind of like that.

The Giants are starring in some sort of parade today, and the Pats… are getting busted for marijuana possession. With that fitting juxtaposition, it’s time to tie a nice little bow around Supe XLII and figure out what all the Giants’ crazy plays and the Pats’ missed opportunities meant.

First off, Tom Brady– and the Patriots collectively as a team– were up against more pressure than a drunk sorority pledge; Brady was facing it in a literal sense (the Giants’ non-stop pass rush), while the team was dealing with the burden of perfection. Brady has to get some props for hanging in there and leading what should have been the game winning drive. His numbers may not show it, but for the kind of heat the G-men were bringing, Brady proved again why he is the best big-game QB in the league. The rest of his teammates– particularly those on defense? Let’s just say there were certain guys hanging their heads more than others in the Patriots’ locker room after the game. For the first time it looked like the enormity of the situation got the best of the Pats, especially (duh-duh-duh) Ellis Hobbs. Everyone was doing crazy things– Junior Seau apparently paid homage to fashion week by rocking one of those punk rocker military caps in the pre-game montage. Even Lord Hoodie went all bizzaro on us and wore a red hoodie with perfectly seamed sleeves. That’s just what pressure will do to a guy.

File this in the “duh” category, but Eli Manning won’t have to hear the name “Ben Roethlisberger” anytime soon. I’m pretty sure he still has no idea what happened on that 35-yarder to David Tyree, but it doesn’t matter. It’s now arguably the greatest play in NFL history and the guy shouldn’t have to answer another question about his mental makeup/ability/etc. again… until the Giants go 8-8 and miss the playoffs next year (not saying that’ll happen, but just saying). You have to wonder though– how many times did, “F%#k you,” cross Eli’s mind when fans were screaming his name during the parade today?

Sticking with the Giants, Tom Coughlin is getting all the credit in the world for this improbable run and there’s no denying that he deserves a ton of it, but let’s get something straight here– if Steve Spagnuolo doesn’t convince Coughlin to switch over to an all-out blitz scheme after the Cowboys and Packers dropped a deuce on them in the first two weeks, no one’s talking about Coughlin’s personality makeover. Instead he’s on the scrap heap looking for work back in the college ranks or with the Falcons (and honestly, is there really a difference between the two?).

And while Coughlin secured his job status for the foreseeable future, the Patriots will probably put Rodney Harrison out to pasture. The loss can’t be blamed solely on Harrison, but he spent the entire season getting beat on plays a double-amputee could make and then for good measure, on the biggest play of the season, he cradled Tyree to the ground just to make sure the guy had enough of a cushion to hang onto the ball. The Harrison of old would’ve decapitated Tyree, and while Giants fans everywhere would be screaming about what a dirty player he is, the Patriots would be hoisting trophy numero quatro.

The Super Bowl confirmed the obvious for us though– the whole celebrity girlfriend thing just isn’t good for business. I liked the Golden Boy a whole lot more when he was picking up random co-eds at Waterworks (famous ocean-side bar in Boston for those of you who don’t know) and the Pats were winning Super Bowls. Since he knocked up Bridget Moynahan and tossed her overboard for Giselle, the Pats have experienced one disappointing playoff loss after another. Seriously dude, if Victoria Secret can dump her, so can you. And if you’re worried that she might end up with some douchebag, don’t worry– I’ll be happy to take her off your hands. Anything for the team, right?

One final random thought– why aren’t the Patriots’ cheerleaders called the “Beli-chicks”? I know Lord Hoodie probably put the kabash on this idea a while ago, but it had to come up at least a handful of times in an organizational meeting or two, right?