After 19 years on the air, the Mike and the Mad Dog show is broadcasting for the last time today, and apparently it’s going to be reincarnated as a Francesa solo act. I guess we can all look forward to the day when we’re only being talked down to by Mike Francesa instead of being beaten over the head with our sporting ignorance by Chris Russo as well. Sweet.

I gotta admit though, in the last few years I kinda warmed to the show. Sure, it catered exclusively to the 45-and-older demographic, and yeah, it would piss me off when they would spend an entire show talking about some random Pete Maravich biography right in the middle of MLB Hot Stove season or — speaking on behalf of Giants’ fans here — a day after an Eli Manning 2-INT, 1 FUM, 10-for-26 performance. But in a day where local sports stations import their hosts from Timbuktu, Mike and the Mad Dog still brought that requisite New York, know-it-all attitude to the airwaves in a way that other local hosts just can’t pull off, whether it be because they aren’t big enough a-holes (Steve Sommers) or simply don’t know sh*t about the sports they are covering to do the job with even a modicum of competence (do I have to spell it out for you, Stephen A. Smith?). So thanks for filling that niche, Mike and the Mad Dog. You’ll be missed… sort of.

And now on to some happy news: THE RICHIE SEXSON ERA IS OVER!!! No more three-pitch strike-outs with runners in scoring position (well, unless A-rod’s up)!!! And oh yeah, Melky’s going to the minors!!! I guess I got my wish… and not a moment too soon.

I never stay up past midnight to watch a sporting event unless it involves the Yanks, Knicks, or Patriots… that is until last night, when Nastia Liukin and Shawn Johnson won Gold and Silver (in that order) and made women’s gymnastics seem like Game 7 of the World Series. Alright fine, maybe just Game 5 of the ALDS. Mock it all you want, but their near-perfect routines were the stuff of legend, especially when you consider the fact that half-way through the competition, the judges started doing what Olympic judges do best: make sure the host country’s athletes get higher scores no matter how flawed their routines are. Only in this case they couldn’t do it because the Chinese chick’s performance was so terrible — she nearly fell off the balance beam… before her routine even started!!! — and Nastia and Shawn’s were so gangster, that giving her the gold would’ve caused an international incident. So instead they stuck her with the bronze– which she still didn’t deserve. Eh, so long as our girls finished first and second, I’ll let the rest of the world worry about the injustice. Isn’t that what everyone from France to China wants us to do anyway?

By the way: the Yanks start their comeback tonight!!!

Despite the fact that the Yanks’ season is going down the toilet faster than bags of crack during a DEA raid, I thought for sure we’d get back on track against our personal punching bags, the Twinkies. Well, considering that seems like a pipe dream at the moment (I still think we’ll take the next two), I have a handful of questions I’d just like to throw out there for sh*ts and giggles and see if I can’t come up with some answers for us battered Yankee fans…

1) How the f@#k can Johnny Damon ride the pine during the biggest game of the season? Forget the fact that every game from here on out is the biggest game of the season– if you ask me, this is right up there with Torre batting A-rod 8th in Game 4 of the 2006 ALDS in the pantheon of absurd roster decisions. Did A-rod suck incredible amounts of a$$ in that series? Of course. We are talking about the playoffs here, aren’t we? Still, everyone knew what a slap in the face/mind-f@#k it was for A-rod. That being the case, what kind of expression do you think was on AL-batting-leader Johnny Dizzle’s face when Joey G. came up to him in the clubhouse yesterday afternoon and told him Justin “40 career Major League at-bats” Christian would be taking his spot in the lineup? This better have been a punishment for something egregious (I highly doubt it) because there really is no other way to rationalize it. Speaking of benching guys for no good reason…

2) Why does Girardi insist on playing these lefty/righty matchups, and in the process sabotaging any chance we have at scoring runs? We have a B-team offense to begin with, so bringing in scrubs off the bench isn’t going to do us any favors. Seriously, anyone named Damon, Abreu, Giambi, or Cano cannot… I repeat, CANNOT, sit the rest of the season. I don’t care if they are batting 0-for-27,234,087 against whoever’s starting that day, they have to play. Figure out creative ways to get them rest — DH them, take them out in the 7th inning on getaway day, or whatever — but this BS simply can’t continue. Richie Sexson hasn’t hit anything but the waiver wire in the last four years. I don’t want to see him with a bat in his hand unless he’s defending his teammates in a Yanks/Sox brawl… and not because I want to see him crack anyone’s skull, but because it’ll probably land him in jail and off our roster. Which reminds me…

3) Can we put Melky Cabrera on the 60-day DL for sucking at life? After a pretty decent showing last season, all the pundits cautioned us that Melky wasn’t going to be the next Bernie Williams. F#$k, I’d settle for him being the next Mel Hall at this point. Saying he’s a disaster at the plate would actually be a compliment ’cause it would imply that Melky’s making some sort of impact on the game, albeit a negative one. I mean it’s like the guy doesn’t even exist. The only time his box score doesn’t register zeros across the board is when he notches a “1″ in the Caught Stealing column. Granted, he did ground into a rally-killing DP last night so he did make his presence felt, but he’s another guy I’d like to see disappear from the everyday lineup. In a perfect world, here’s my Yankee batting order:

1) Johnny Damon (CF)
2) Derek Jeter (SS)
3) Alex Rodriguez (3B)
4) Bobby Abreu (RF)
5) Xavier Nady (LF)
6) Jason Giambi (1B)
7) Robbie Cano (2B)
8) Pudge Rodriguez (C)
9) Wilson Betemit (DH)

Alright here’s the deal– A-rod needs to be moved up to 3rd ’cause he’s the one who needs protecting this year. Giambi can’t do that job ’cause he swings at an awful lot of sh*t for someone with such a “great eye.” So bat Abreu 4th, take a load off A-rod in the process, and hopefully get this offense rolling again with Nady providing a buffer for Giambi’s complete disregard for fundamental baseball, aka swinging for the fences no matter the situation. What, Abreu doesn’t hit enough home runs for ya? Bern-Baby-Bern averaged 26.2 homers-per-year from ‘96-’00 batting clean-up. Bobby’s on pace for 21 this year and he’s clearly our best situational hitter at the moment, so I think it’ll work out just fine. Oh right– notice no Melky? Betemit tends to be a little fond of the strike out, but he puts up some pretty decent power numbers when he gets some regular PT. At this point, we should be willing to try anything. If Matsui returns (big “if,” I know) then we can slot him into the 7-hole and then our lineup will actually start to resemble the one we’ve been running out there for the last few years. Again, not championship-caliber, but certainly playoff-caliber. One other thing… kind of a side-note: I know Jeter’s been awful this year, but I’m willing to give the guy a pass, and not because he’s won all those championships and blah blah blah. Remember when he came off the DL and was on fire… and then got drilled on the hand by Daniel Cabrera? He’s never really been the same since then, and I almost wonder if at the end of the season we’ll find out that he has a fractured hand, or some other injury that would’ve kept most guys out of the lineup for months (a la Tiger Woods in the US Open). I’m not saying that’ll definitely happen, but I wouldn’t be shocked if it did.

4) Do the injuries to Evan Longoria and Carl Crawford mean the Rays are in serious trouble? It’s kinda hard to say a team is in ANY kind of trouble when they are 25 games over .500 and lead their division by 4 games with only a quarter of the season left to play. That said, I’ve been predicting for a while now that the Rays would face some kind of serious adversity and that time has finally come. Longoria was a dark horse MVP candidate, and his injury is likely a season-ender; ditto for Crawford’s injury as well. It’s gonna be pretty freakin’ tough to maintain their current pace with arguably their two best offensive players on the DL. Don’t believe me? Just ask yourself how different things would be right now if Godzilla and Jorgie each had 100 games under their belt this season. Plus, their schedule the rest of the way is ridiculous. And chew on this… in every year since 2005, a division-leader has choked away a 5+ game lead in the standings to miss the playoffs entirely: in ‘05, the Nationals were the culprits; in ‘06 it was Rangers; and in ‘07 the Brewers, Padres, and those lovable Mets all pulled the trick. None of this guarantees we’ll catch them by any means, but I don’t see the Angels blowing their 14-game lead, and no one else has a 5+ game lead at this point, so might as well be the Rays this time around, right?

5) So are the Yankees done? Unequivocally, no. Now, are they up sh*t’s creek without a paddle? Absolutely. But can they swim their way out of this? With some hazmat suits and a Michael Phelps-ian effort, yes. Anytime you still have a combined 12 games left against the two teams ahead of you in the division, you always have a shot. Remember what the Phillies did to the Mets last year? Or how ’bout the Yanks, who took 5 of their last 6 (7 of their last 9) against the Sox to close out the ‘07 season. As bad as this team has looked, I just have a feeling there’s going to be a month-long stretch where we look completely unbeatable and run off one of those 20-wins-in-25-games stretches that will have us all believing that we can win the World Series. Now that’s definitely not happening — the Angels are basically the ‘98 Yankees — but right now every Yankee fan to a man will settle for the playoffs with the way things sit right now. Hughes is due back at the end of this week/early next, Joba will be back in another week or so, and if we can finally trot out Sidney Ponson as our #5, you’ll see us start to rip off a ridiculous stretch in the next week or so. It still might not be enough to get us to October considering how deep a hole we’ve dug ourselves, but at least it’ll give us a shot at things. And if that doesn’t happen, just look on the bright side– you call can rag on me the entire offseason for having such a misplaced sense of blind faith in the ‘08 Yanks.

A) Michael Phelps is the closest thing that we have to a superhuman being. Vinny Chase may have been the better looking AquaMan, but Phelps, I honestly believe, could speak to dolphins in real life because he is not totally human.

B) Shawn Johnson is, in reality, what Hayden Panettiere wishes she was on Heroes.

C) All Chinese Olympians are ninjas.

D) The Yankees still want to dig themselves into a ridonculous hole and make a playoff push that much more exciting. Well I, for one, do not need the excitement… just start f*&kin’ winning!

I was all set the bury the Yanks today, ready to give up on ‘08 and start looking ahead to ‘09 and the New Stadium. I mean sure, they’ve been on life support before — especially after the first two losses at home in the Sox and Angels series, respectively — but with Joba’s injury looming and following two more ugly losses, last night it finally seemed like they flat-lined. But, (cue super hero music) today Chris Russo has come to the rescue: the Mad Dog is hosting his annual “the Yankees are done” special on WFAN, and well, considering he’s been doing this since 2005, we can all now assume with a fair amount of certainty that the Yankees will, in fact, MAKE the playoffs. I know that seems pretty far-fetched at the moment, but hey, in The Stadium’s final season, what would be more appropriate than the Yanks completing an improbable, come-from-behind effort to reach the postseason? I guess we’ll find out in the next month-and-a-half or so if the ghosts have already moved next door…

A-Rod took a few steps towards the mound when he was hit last night, but quickly re-directed to first base. Why didn’t he charge? He could certainly afford any fines that may be imposed. There may have been some intent in behind the beanball, may not have, but at this point, who cares? Or maybe it’s because he didn’t want his ass handed to him again, Jason Varitek style. Regardless of why he scampered to first base like a scolded dog, he should have done something, anything to light a fire under a team that needs to play better ball and a team who may have put their season on the injured shoulder of a 22-year-old who is going to see Dr. James Andrews. And like Monnie D. said, when that happens, the possibility of positive news emerging is about as slim as the chances of Clay Aiken impregnating a woman the old-fashion way.

Seems like every Yankee fan’s worst nightmare is slowly, but surely, becoming a reality. It goes without saying at this point, but if life with Carl Pavano has taught us anything it’s that anytime you see the name “Dr. James Andrews,” you pretty much resign yourself to the fact that news of a season-ending/career-threatening injury is soon to follow. Speaking of Mr. Monistat– when you find yourself eagerly anticipating the outcome of a Carl Pavano rehab start, you know your favorite team is in trouble.

I don’t think I’ve prayed this hard for a guy not to be injured since I was 7-years-old and saw Roy Hobbs take a bullet in The Natural. Let’s hope for the sake of our season that it’s just a cramp…

By the way, the Yanks would have a 4-2 lead right now (Update: and would’ve never been in that God-awful situation in the 9th) if it weren’t for that drunk ump overturning that double play in the bottom of the 5th. Though I do think there’s an obscure rule somewhere which says that Derek Jeter is the only player allowed to ground into rally-killing DPs.

THANK YOU, THEO EPSTEIN!!! Now I know what some of you are going to say: “But Monnie D., didn’t the Sox get Jason Bay???” Please. The only city where there’s more jubilation about this deal than there is in LA is right here in New York. Here’s a handful of the 20-something texts I received from fellow Yankee fans since the deal broke:

“Dude, Manny to the Dodgers, YES!!!”

“Papi won’t see a pitch to hit for the rest of his lifetime.”

Seriously though, B-Ca$h probably needed a towel when he checked SI.com at 4pm. Sure, Jason Bay’s numbers are similar to Manny’s this year, but anyone who thinks they are comparable players clearly invested some money in a crack pipe recently. Bay’s a fringe All-Star; Manny’s a first-ballot HOFer. Bay’s never played in a pennant race; Manny’s a two-time World Champion. Bay’s never talked about as one of the elite hitters in the game, let alone the National League; Manny may be the best right-handed hitter in the history of baseball… and the list just goes on and on. Plus, just like my buddy alluded to up there, we’ll no longer be on the verge of a nervous breakdown every time Moose faces the Sox. Add to that the fact that Bay didn’t go to the division-leading Rays as a replacement for Eric “Everyone’s still waiting for my batting average to exceed my weight” Hinske, but instead went to the (tenuously situated) second-place Sox as a replacement for MANNY RAMIREZ, and it becomes pretty obvious why this deal could do more for our division title hopes than the Nady/Marte and Pudge trades combined.

By the way, last time I checked, the Sox don’t exactly have the greatest track record when it comes to trading Hall of Fame sluggers after winning a couple championships in the early part of a century. Savor the moment, Yankee fans– we’ll remember this day fondly for years to come.

Oops! Amidst all this wheeling-and-dealing I almost forgot to mention for the millionth time how ahead of the curve I was on the whole Joba debate. This hasn’t gotten annoying or anything, has it?

No joke, Chuck Wipple and I were discussing the Yanks’ plans going into the deadline tomorrow, when I go “I think we’re in the market for a catcher more than people realize.” Of course I haven’t put out a trade-oriented blog since the Nady/Marte deal broke, so I’m gonna have to ask you all to take my word on this (which I doubt you will). Anyways, I have some mixed feelings about this move. On the one hand, Pudge is a definite upgrade over Jose Molina. On the other, who pitches the 8th inning for us now? My vote goes to Jose Veras, but it’s anyone’s guess who’ll actually nail down the job. Maybe Marte, maybe Edwar… or maybe Mo can just make life easy on us and go be Goose Gossage the rest of the season? Don’t get me wrong, I’d never be caught dead saying Kyle Farnsworth is irreplaceable. In fact, the way he pissed his pants in Fenway last Friday pretty much sealed his fate… and that outing Monday night didn’t exactly help his cause either. But our MLB-best 48-1 record when leading after 6-innings is going to be hard to reproduce the rest of the way without the services of Farnsy, or as one of my buddies affectionately called him “Suckworth.”

By the way, kudos to Max Kellerman, who was talking about trading Farnsworth this morning while his value was still relatively high. Granted, he didn’t even think we could get Ramon Castro for him (which I guess poses the question of whether the Tigers overpaid for him or not), but at least Kellerman had the right idea going. None of the so-called experts (a-hem, a-hem, Peter Gammons, John Heyman, a-hem, a-hem) even had this on their radar. Figures.

Oh well, here’s to trying to bash our way to a 27th World Championship. I mean it’s worked so well these past 7 years, why do it any other way?

When Mo gave up that solo blast to Aubrey Huff, I bet my buddy that run would be the difference in the game. I may be $20 richer, but this is one of the few times that I can actually say I’m not happy about being right. Can’t wait to see how much more of that 8-game winning streak we plan on pissing away the rest of this week…

So I was watching the Yankees flex some Bomber Biceps this weekend with my dad, Fat Joe, and the following convo took place when Manny Ramirez strolled into the batter’s box for the first time on Saturday:

Me: This guy’s such a piece of sh*t.

FJ: No, you’re wrong… this guy is a f@#kin’ abomination to baseball, he’s a f@#kin’ pig!

Me: Wow pop, tell us how you really feel.

FJ: Stop being a smart ass and get me some beer.

Just thought I’d share that touching father-son moment with you all. As a side note– even though he looks like the Predator, and probably smells worse than Pam’s whoo-whoo after Tommy Lee, or Kid Rock, or whatever other piece of TPT nails her, in all fairness Manny is a ridiculously legit hitter… but that doesn’t mean I’m NOT gonna crack on him for being the lazy a$$-clown that he is, now am I?

Why not? Because Manny already confirmed it:

“The Yankees are getting closer and getting stronger, while we haven’t done much,” Ramirez said. “I could say that right now there’s a strange atmosphere in our team.”

And by “strange,” Manny, did you really mean “not heterosexual?” ‘Cause that’s the same vibe I always get from the Sux too.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: when Hank compared Joba to Josh Beckett, it was a grave insult… to Joba. Can’t wait for Sox Nation to resume their whining over Joba’s ownage of their beloved YOOOOOUUUUK…

Geez, that didn’t take long, did it? Stay classy, Boston.

PS– I love how the Sox are trying to manufacture a built-in excuse for losing this series by holding Manny out for any number of these games. And trust me, when the Sox do lose this series, all you’re gonna hear from every Sox fan from Kennebunkport to Providence is how they were undermanned, how they weren’t able to trot out their regular lineup, and so-on and so-forth. Yeah, well all the Yanks have done without the likes of Wang, Matsui, Jorgie, and Damon is win seven in a row (and counting) and make up 6.5 games in the standings in 2.5 weeks, so tough sh*t.