Fortunately for the Mets (and my sucky ass fantasy team), John Maine actually put together a quality start. Even more importantly, Billy Wagner was on the mound to close it out. While the Mets are still not a championship caliber team, they are not even a .500 team if Billy ends up missing an extended portion of the season. His absence Tuesday highlights the Mets need for another shut down reliever (Brain Fuentes, Huston Street) to solidify the bullpen. But as for last night, the Mets can enjoy a hard fought victory.

God I love when the Twins come to town. Make that 19 “W’s” in our last 22 against the Twinkies at The Stadium. Remember back on July 6th, after our second consecutive piss-poor performance against the Sox, when I said the Yanks were far from being done? Well, after six wins in a row (10-straight at home), two consecutive sweeps (over teams that were ahead of us in the standings at the time) and 11 wins in our last 14 games (10 of the 11 coming against teams with winning records), I think it’s safe to say “We’re baaaaack.” Hide the women and children, Beantown. We’re on our way. Not even Big Papi can save you from the Yankee buzzsaw now. Should’ve buried us when you had the chance, putzes.

I didn’t know that the Joba Rules also applied to Johan Santana. In the biggest series of the season, with Billy Wagner unavailable, Jerry Manuel sends out freakin’ Duaner Sanchez for the 9th inning????????????????????? You’ve got your best pitcher on the mound, dominating the Phillies through 8 innings, you don’t have anyone you’re willing to trust to get the toughest 3 outs in the game, so why exactly is Johan NOT in there??? This is the precise reason why Omar gutted the Mets’ farm system and gave Johan 137 million dollars– TO WIN THIS GAME. I could understand if he threw 115-120 pitches already, but taking him out after 105 is just ridiculous. This is the second time this season that Jerry’s babying of Johan has resulted in a loss to the Phillies. It’s obvious that Santana is on a strict pitch count because tonight called for a complete game, not another blown save by the Mets’ bullpen. And this just further exemplifies why the Mets are far from a championship team.

A steady diet of Rockies, Giants, and Reds has turned the Mets — in the eyes of many — from mediocre pretenders into post-season contenders. Lost in the hysteria of the Mets having won 11 out of their last 13 games are the glaring holes in the outfield and the back-end of the rotation. While this might not be a problem when feasting on the dregs of the NL West, potential match-ups against the Cubs and Brewers in the post-season will expose these gaping holes. I don’t know Omar’s plan for fixing this problem (and no, I’m not advocating signing Barry Bonds), but depending on Ryan Church returning to full strength anytime soon, along with a Triple A outfield rotation of Marlon Anderson, Endy Chavez and Fernando Tatis, is not what championship teams are made of. Especially with the muscular line-ups of the Cubs and Brewers looming in October, the Mets lack of depth after the 5-hole does not bold well for a title run.

Now let me be clear: I am not saying we should sacrifice what’s left our mediocre farm system for players like Xavier Nady and Jason Bay; we’ll let the Yankees do that (Editor’s note: we Yankee fans won’t argue with that). However, I do think we should call up super-prospect Fernando Martinez to upgrade the position… and if we can’t avoid a trade, then it better be for a difference-maker like Matt Holliday. All I know is, as presently constituted, the Amazins are not ready for an extended post-season run.

I just can’t believe Red Sox fans. Whether it be MFH — or any other more despicable members of the Nation — I can’t get over what a bunch of f@#kin’ crybabies you all are. You’re winning World Series left and right, one of your guys even wins the All-Star game MVP in our ballpark, and yet you still find room to whine about petty bullsh*t? If I didn’t know any better, I’d say the year was 1998 and you guys are doing all this complaining just to get some much needed attention. I mean you’d think being at the top of the sport would be enough get you guys off the rag, but apparently it isn’t. Plus, the blame here clearly falls on Papel-boner. Seriously, what was he thinking bringing his wife to parade in Midtown? It’s like taking your kid to the ball room at Mickey D’s and then suing the joint when he comes down with E.coli poisoning a week later. What did you f@#king expect?

And let’s not paint Papel-boner as an innocent bystander here, ’cause his words (if anyone in Sox Nation even bothered to read them, which clearly they didn’t otherwise they wouldn’t all be standing around shrugging their shoulders, mumbling “What, not our guy.” ) spoke for themselves:

“If I was managing the team, I would close,” Papelbon said. “I’m not managing the team, so it don’t matter.”

“We’ve both earned that right; us, by winning the World Series and having the opportunity of having our manager there and our team being represented, and Mariano by what he’s done for this role, we’re in Yankee Stadium and blah, blah, blah,” Papelbon said. “It’s not that easy. Everybody thinks it’s a cut and dry answer, but it’s not.”

And when you say “blah, blah, blah,” Jon, do you mean “being the undisputed, greatest closer in the history of baseball… having the 5th lowest postseason ERA in history… having the most career World Series saves (9, next closest is Rollie Fingers with 6)… and owning the most career postseason saves (34… the next closest is Dennis Eckersley with 15)?” There’s a fine line between being a “competitor” and being an arrogant, self-delusional prick. I’ll let you all decide where Papel-boner falls here.

And last, but certainly not least, please spare us the etiquette classes, thanks. It’s not like you’ve all distinguished yourselves in the class department over the years. I mean which is more unbecoming of civilized baseball fans– making idle threats against a ballplayer’s wife, or tipping over/keying every car in Kenmore Square that had New York license plates when the Sox won the Series in ‘04? Yeah, sorry to be break the bad news to all you ignoramuses, but I guess most of you “card-carrying” members of Sox Nation wouldn’t know any of these dirty little secrets considering you’ve never spent more than 24 hours at a time in Beantown. If you wanna b*tch and moan when Joba puts a 99-mph heat-seeker in Youkilis’ ear next weekend, be my guest. But until then, shut the hell up.

There have been some messed up things done by fans of both teams during the long history of the Red Sox-Yankees rivalry, but earlier this week Yankee fans went for a new low, threatening the life of Jonathan Papelbon’s pregnant wife during the All-Star parade. Come on, Yankee fans. It’s open season on the Sox closer (even though all he said was that he wanted to close, not that Mariano sucks or didn’t deserve to), say anything you want to him, but don’t make death threats to his pregnant wife. You don’t go after the family. That’s classless.

By the way, how did it feel to have a member of the World Champion Boston Red Sox win the All-Star MVP in Yankee Stadium?

Since last night was one of the few times I’ll have left to spend at the current Stadium, I figured I’d treat it as a field trip and try to pick up a thing or two during the Derby. Well, here’s what I learned:

1. Kevin Youkilis’ kid has the biggest Jew-fro I’ve ever seen. Somewhere Jonah Hill fears that the clock has started ticking on his ownership of the ugly-guy-who-everyone-finds-hilarious-simply-because-he’s-funny-to-look-at typecast role.

2. Drunk chicks should not be allowed at sporting events… unless they sign a waiver to keep their mouths shut and agree to “act out” only by taking their shirts off. Do I love women? Absolutely. But believe me, nothing is more annoying than loud, drunk chicks at sporting events that they know nothing about. They spend most of the night screaming things that make no sense… only to spend the rest of the evening looking around to see if any dudes found their idiocy amusing (which no one did). And any time a popular rap song is played (which happened pretty frequently last night), they start flailing their arms around like they’re in a club and try grinding with any guy within five feet of them. And if that fails, then they bop their head up and down and start flailing their arms again. Listen, if you want to dance around and get so drunk that you wake up tomorrow morning and forget the fact that you slept with a random dude the night before then hail a cab and take it about 130-blocks south of here, bimbo.

3. The “De-rek Je-ter” chant after Reggie threw out the first pitch was freakin’ awesome. My buddy told me that you couldn’t really hear it on TV, but it served notice that no matter how many Red Sox are in the All-Star game, we Yankee fans are determined to turn this thing into our own exclusive party.

4. Evan Longoria getting booed was pretty cool too. That’s what you get for beating the Giambino in the final vote and stealing his rightful place in the Derby. Now go find your husband Tony Parker and catch the first flight back to Tampa, bastard. Hmmm, that reminds me…

5. There weren’t any Yankees in the Derby. Ah, so that’s what everyone’s been b*tchin’ about the last few days. I didn’t think it would matter that much, that is until I sat in my seat and realized I had to root for Josh Hamilton (No joke, everyone within five rows of me was talking about Hamilton was their guy well before he pulled a “2005 Bobby Abreu.” More on that in a minute.) And not that that’s the worst thing in the world necessarily, it’s just that for 99% of the people in the Stadium, this is the first time we’ve been forced to root for someone NOT wearing Pinstripes. Sacrilege, my friends. Though this brings me to my next point…

6. Notice how subdued the crowd was last night? This is what I love about New Yorkers, and Yankee fans in particular– we don’t care that this is supposed to be some big, historic event. If there aren’t any Yankees (or Mets, if you’re so inclined) involved, then we aren’t going to feign an interest in something we couldn’t give two sh*ts about. Will we sit and watch it? Sure. New Yorkers are all too happy to turn anything into a social event. But you won’t see us going all ‘99-Fenway-Park like Boston did, celebrating like they had won the World Series every time Mark McGwire ‘roided balls onto I-90. Well, that is until we realized that…

7. Josh Hamilton will be the next great Yankee. Everyone was rooting for this guy and how could you not? His comeback story is more-than-inspirational and it also helps that he’s the best player in baseball not named A-rod (and considering he hasn’t even played one full season yet, I’m thinking it won’t be long before that title is his to own exclusively). But when he hit the Bank of America sign behind the bleechers, put a few more balls into the Black Seats, and had us all chanting “HAM-IL-TON!”, he might as well have been wearing Pinstripes right then and there because we basically embraced him as one of our own. I don’t know when Hamilton becomes a free agent, but after last night, this is a match made in heaven. Hopefully whoever takes over for B-Ca$h after this season realizes this as well.

Don’t worry, pal. I’m almost positive you won’t get booed or anything like that tonight (wink-wink). And I thought Youkilis and Papel-boner were going to be our main targets?! Just consider yourself lucky if you make it all the way out to 2nd base without getting hit by a Duracell.

you’re watching the State Farm Home Run Derby from New York, and you see that commercial with Joe Torre loving LA, and you see him on a surf board and wish that Jaws would come up and have that jiggly-necked bastard for lunch… but then you remember that he managed the Yanks to 4 World Series titles in 5 years (it would have been 5 in 6 if he didn’t have the f*ckin infield in with Mariano pitching to Gonzo in Game 7 in ‘01)? Yeah, last night, I was at that place…

This past weekend, Rafael Nadal and Roger Federer played what may very well be the greatest match ever played at Wimbledon. For me, it absolutely was, and the reason is because it was the only tennis I’ve really ever watched, and despite the rain delays, it was kind of ridiculous. The speed with which those guys hit the ball and the way they dive and give up their bodies is worthy of admiration. Go on YouTube and find a video and watch a little bit of it, even if you don’t like tennis. It would be well worth your time… especially if you’re at work and the boss isn’t around.

When you watch two guys running around in little white shorts, you hope to picture something that makes you remember that you like chicks. So keep in mind that Lilo had a birthday party this weekend and it was a prom theme, and while she rocked a nice dress, her lesbian DJ rocked a tux, and I’m pretty sure it looked something like this:

And in sports news, the Brewers acquired CC Sabathia and the Cubs got Rich Harden. Not like the Yankees needed pitching per se, but a consistent bat that doesn’t sh*t the bed everytime some teammates start slumping would’ve been a nice change. I guess we’ll just wait and see what B-Ca$h does to F the Bronx Bombers before Turkey Neck Hank gives Ca$h the boot.

Finally, A-Rod’s wife filed for divorce. She’s banging Lenny Kravitz and A-Rod has a geriatric fetish tossing it into the aged roast beef that is Madonna. Being the starting 3rd baseman of the Yankees should warrant him better a$$ than that… amateur.

I know it’s still early July, but tonight’s game against the Phillies is a must-win. Taking 3-out-of-4 from the Phillies would be HUUUUUGE, especially if the Mets can do it on the road. With the Brewers’ acquisition of C.C. Sabathia, the Mets can’t count on the Wild Card sitting there waiting for them at the end of the season like an all-too-willing ex-girlfriend. Instead, they better focus on winning the division. And, lucky for them, the NL is garbage and being a game under.500 leaves you in prime position to make a playoff run. While Tampa Bay and Boston are snuffing out the Yankees’ hopes of making their 14th-straight playoff appearance, the Mets have the good fortune of playing in a division full of crappy teams. In fact, the only division with more fertilizer in it is the NL West, where the D-backs and Dodgers are making a mockery of themselves, and their divisional counterparts, with their less-than-mediocre play. Oh yeah, back to my main point: Pedro– instead of trying to throw 92 mph, try and morph into Moose and get the big “W” tonight!

so how is Jose Reyes NOT an All-Star this season??? I guess a .294 batting average, 21 doubles, 10 triples, 9 homeruns, and 29 stolen bases aren’t exactly All-Star-caliber stats. Maybe National League manager Clint Hurdle is giving the Mets some payback for firing one of his bench coaches? Or maybe All-Star reserve Christian Guzman is having a better season with a .315 batting average, 25 doubles, 2 triples, 5 homeruns and 3, yes 3, stolen bases? (And for the record, no he is not.) Forget about an appearance in the mid-Summer Classic– if Jose was named Derek Jeter, we would be talking about his MVP candidacy. And speaking of Mr. Jeter, he has a .282 batting average, 16 doubles, 3 triples, 4 homeruns and 5 stolen bases. But after all, since he is Derek Jeter, he’ll be the American League’s starting SS next Tuesday while Jose will be running around the Dominican Republic picking up ugly white chicks.

I just wanted to get this on the record before Joba blows away the Sox tonight so no one can say that I was influenced by tonight’s win (I apologize in advance to anyone who believes in jinxes should we lose tonight): despite what I said Saturday, and no matter if the Yanks win or lose tonight, I don’t believe we’re done by any means. In between enjoying some beverages and a bunch of beautiful women last night, MFH and I got to talking about the Yanks’ dire straights (cause, naturally, that’s what you do when you’re out with hot chicks) and MFH said something that kind of put things into perspective for me since it was coming from a Sox fan: “I’d never count the Yankees out, they are going to make a run.”

As Yankee fans, it’s pretty much ingrained in our nature to think the world is about to end when we find ourselves this far out of it this late in the season. And it doesn’t matter that we’ve dug ourselves out of these kinds of holes in ‘05 and ‘07, it’s just that we remember the good ol’ days in the late 90s/early 00s when we would bury teams by the All-Star break and spend the rest of the season adding spare parts and getting guys healthy for the post season. Even for someone like myself — who remembers when finishing within 10-games under .500 was thought to be a successful season all things considered — it’s hard to remain anchored to the ground when the Yanks are 46-42, 9.5 games out of first and five out in the Wild Card. But let’s stop think about things for a second here…

What if someone had come up to you on Opening Day and said the following: “By July 4th, A-rod will have missed 16-games with a quad injury, The Captain will have spent the same amount of time on the DL, also thanks to a balky quad, Godzilla will land on the DL for God knows how long, and Jorgie will have been lost for nearly 2-months because of a bad shoulder. Oh right, and Phil Hughes will go down in April and won’t be back till late August, and Wang will come up lame running the bases in interleague and be lost until at least September. Not to mention Ian Kennedy will suck beyond belief, and after recovering from an injury of his own, he’ll be demoted to Single-A. So where are the Yanks after the holiday-weekend series with the Sox?” If you said “46-42 and within striking distance of the Wild Card,” then you’d clearly be a moron, liar, insane, or all of the above.

Now I’m not saying we’re absolutely going to make the playoffs. Heck, I’m not saying we’ll even be there at the end to battle for a postseason spot. But, I am saying that this thing is FAR from being over. Despite all that’s happened, we’re still 2-games ahead of last year’s Wild Card-winning pace and you know we’ll make a deal to bring in a pitcher who, at the very least, isn’t named Darrell Rasner, and maybe we’ll add a right-handed bat to help overcome all of Jeter’s inning-ending double plays. Basically, what I’m trying to say is this: what happens when it’s September 1st and the young, inexperienced Rays find themselves 2 games up on the Sox and 4 games up on the Yanks? What happens when they go from probably making the playoffs to they better make the playoffs? It’s a whole different ball game when you’re trying to squeeze your foot into the slipper to finish of that Cinderella story.

So yeah, all of that to say “We ain’t dead… yet.”

As P. Diddy — by way of South Park — once said, “Vote or die, mothaf#@ka!”

Hey, at least the Yanks can do something right:

The best MLB hat? Some things to take into consideration:

5. Atlanta
4. Detroit
3. San Francisco
2. St. Louis
1. New York Yankees

K, while I’m thrilled that the Yanks got recognized for their ridiculously amazing hats, which– as Yankee fans have known since the day their dad bought them their first midnight-navy cap with the interlocking “NY” on the front– beat the living daylights out of any hat in MLB, this highlights a much larger issue facing the Yanks and their fans: is this all we can be proud of anymore? Our offense sucks, our best players spend more time on the “DL” than a gay rapper, and our third baseman and reigning AL MVP can’t show enough self-restraint to stop banging trannies and hags who used to be semi-hot like 20 years ago, and that was only because she portrayed herself as a mega-slut at a time when dressing like a prostitute in music videos was still somewhat of a novelty thanks to the fact that Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera were still wearing diapers. Good grief, it sucks being a Yankee fan right now…