Fortunately for the Mets (and my sucky ass fantasy team), John Maine actually put together a quality start. Even more importantly, Billy Wagner was on the mound to close it out. While the Mets are still not a championship caliber team, they are not even a .500 team if Billy ends up missing an extended portion of the season. His absence Tuesday highlights the Mets need for another shut down reliever (Brain Fuentes, Huston Street) to solidify the bullpen. But as for last night, the Mets can enjoy a hard fought victory.

I didn’t know that the Joba Rules also applied to Johan Santana. In the biggest series of the season, with Billy Wagner unavailable, Jerry Manuel sends out freakin’ Duaner Sanchez for the 9th inning????????????????????? You’ve got your best pitcher on the mound, dominating the Phillies through 8 innings, you don’t have anyone you’re willing to trust to get the toughest 3 outs in the game, so why exactly is Johan NOT in there??? This is the precise reason why Omar gutted the Mets’ farm system and gave Johan 137 million dollars– TO WIN THIS GAME. I could understand if he threw 115-120 pitches already, but taking him out after 105 is just ridiculous. This is the second time this season that Jerry’s babying of Johan has resulted in a loss to the Phillies. It’s obvious that Santana is on a strict pitch count because tonight called for a complete game, not another blown save by the Mets’ bullpen. And this just further exemplifies why the Mets are far from a championship team.

A steady diet of Rockies, Giants, and Reds has turned the Mets — in the eyes of many — from mediocre pretenders into post-season contenders. Lost in the hysteria of the Mets having won 11 out of their last 13 games are the glaring holes in the outfield and the back-end of the rotation. While this might not be a problem when feasting on the dregs of the NL West, potential match-ups against the Cubs and Brewers in the post-season will expose these gaping holes. I don’t know Omar’s plan for fixing this problem (and no, I’m not advocating signing Barry Bonds), but depending on Ryan Church returning to full strength anytime soon, along with a Triple A outfield rotation of Marlon Anderson, Endy Chavez and Fernando Tatis, is not what championship teams are made of. Especially with the muscular line-ups of the Cubs and Brewers looming in October, the Mets lack of depth after the 5-hole does not bold well for a title run.

Now let me be clear: I am not saying we should sacrifice what’s left our mediocre farm system for players like Xavier Nady and Jason Bay; we’ll let the Yankees do that (Editor’s note: we Yankee fans won’t argue with that). However, I do think we should call up super-prospect Fernando Martinez to upgrade the position… and if we can’t avoid a trade, then it better be for a difference-maker like Matt Holliday. All I know is, as presently constituted, the Amazins are not ready for an extended post-season run.

Don’t worry, pal. I’m almost positive you won’t get booed or anything like that tonight (wink-wink). And I thought Youkilis and Papel-boner were going to be our main targets?! Just consider yourself lucky if you make it all the way out to 2nd base without getting hit by a Duracell.

I know it’s still early July, but tonight’s game against the Phillies is a must-win. Taking 3-out-of-4 from the Phillies would be HUUUUUGE, especially if the Mets can do it on the road. With the Brewers’ acquisition of C.C. Sabathia, the Mets can’t count on the Wild Card sitting there waiting for them at the end of the season like an all-too-willing ex-girlfriend. Instead, they better focus on winning the division. And, lucky for them, the NL is garbage and being a game under.500 leaves you in prime position to make a playoff run. While Tampa Bay and Boston are snuffing out the Yankees’ hopes of making their 14th-straight playoff appearance, the Mets have the good fortune of playing in a division full of crappy teams. In fact, the only division with more fertilizer in it is the NL West, where the D-backs and Dodgers are making a mockery of themselves, and their divisional counterparts, with their less-than-mediocre play. Oh yeah, back to my main point: Pedro– instead of trying to throw 92 mph, try and morph into Moose and get the big “W” tonight!

so how is Jose Reyes NOT an All-Star this season??? I guess a .294 batting average, 21 doubles, 10 triples, 9 homeruns, and 29 stolen bases aren’t exactly All-Star-caliber stats. Maybe National League manager Clint Hurdle is giving the Mets some payback for firing one of his bench coaches? Or maybe All-Star reserve Christian Guzman is having a better season with a .315 batting average, 25 doubles, 2 triples, 5 homeruns and 3, yes 3, stolen bases? (And for the record, no he is not.) Forget about an appearance in the mid-Summer Classic– if Jose was named Derek Jeter, we would be talking about his MVP candidacy. And speaking of Mr. Jeter, he has a .282 batting average, 16 doubles, 3 triples, 4 homeruns and 5 stolen bases. But after all, since he is Derek Jeter, he’ll be the American League’s starting SS next Tuesday while Jose will be running around the Dominican Republic picking up ugly white chicks.

As P. Diddy — by way of South Park — once said, “Vote or die, mothaf#@ka!”

I think Johan Santana missed the fine print at the bottom of is 137 million dollar contract last winter based on some of his recent comments. Over the past month Johan Santana has been taking subtle shots at his teammates for some of the poor play behind him. However, when you are highest paid pitcher in baseball you are supposed to PICK UP your teammates, not throw them under the bus every time there is a miscue. If you were to name the top 5 starters in baseball this season, Johan Santana does not make the list. The only list Johan makes so far this season is the Barry Zito Memorial Top 5 Most Overpaid Pitchers in Baseball list. For 16 million dollars a year, I don’t think it is unreasonable to expect a CY-young caliber season every year. The way Johan is going he might become the pitching version of Bobby Bonilla because at age 29 he has nowhere else to go but down. If this is the best of what Johan has to offer, then I’d hate to be him 3 years from now when his fastball tops out at 88 mph and that change-up is not as dominant. Because at 16 million per year, mediocrity is not going to cut it in the Big Apple no matter how many awards you have on your resume. Just ask A-Rod about that.

Q: Brian Runge bumped Manuel last night then ejected him? He also ejected Carlos Beltran? What nationality are they?

A: Hispanic.

A: Well, there ya go.

Imus’ point when he tried to explain why he said what he said and do some damage control does have some validity: how many white athletes are being charged with weapons possession, domestic violence, and drugs? A helluva lot less than those athletes of a darker persuasion, and not just because they don’t do any of those things.

As for Runge’s instigation… he wouldn’t wanna try that with Ozzie Guillen, who probably has a switch-blade (I can use Hispanic stereotypes like that, I’m half-Cuban), or Joey G, who’s pretty jacked, or Lou P, who would rip up first base and stick it up Runge’s bum sideways. Now if it were Ed Hochuli behind the plate, he could call me Mary of Francine and I would skip-to-my-lou my darling, because he’s a monster.

This weekend I saw Get Smart. I used to watch it on Nick at Nite and it was pretty funny back in the day. Well, the big screen version was no disappointment as Steve Carrel made you almost pee yourself in playing Maxwell Smart. Duane “The Rock” Johnson also makes an appearance as the Great Khali, both from the WWE.

However the most intriguing performance was that of Anne Hathway. Once Disney’s little princess, she is now a legitimate sex kitten. She’s asked to use her sex appeal in a variety of situations and, I gotta tell ya, it works.

I usually don’t do movie reviews, well, because this is a sports site (although variety and the like has never been discouraged), but I would strongly encourage going to see Get Smart because it’s funny and Anne Hathaway can get it.

To touch on some sports issues though:

1. Shaq’s freestyle was rabbitish and a little weak… Kobe, you could eat my a$$? Very original. Could’ve went with suck my [beep], but a$$ was definitely more crowd-friendly.

2. On a somewhat related note, Ozzie Guillen went freaking nuts two weeks or so ago saying how everyone and everything basically could eat his a$$, and the White Sox have played legitimate baseball since then.

3. Willie Randolph was supposedly doomed before he could get a bona fide crack at turning the Mets around this season… and after last year’s collapse like a back alley boob job, it wasn’t really a surprise. New York is all about winning and if you don’t, your job is in jeopardy… unless you coach the Knicks, then you have a few years and a gajillion dollars before to blow before you’re ousted.

4. “Pacman” Jones no longer wishes to be referred to by his nickname and strictly wants to be known as Adam Jones. I guess it’s easier than having to remember “Prison Number 736492128.”

5. Interleague play is a stellar idea that should be continued as long as possible. Sure, it might take some of the glamour away from the World Series, but in all reality, it’s one of the only times a number of fans can see their teams play with the big dogs in the AL. You can thank us in advance for your best attendance numbers of the season, Pittsburgh Pirates.

6. Maria Sharapova said she would be wearing less flashy clothes at Wimbeldon… and we would continue to watch her play why?

7. Roger Federer extended his win streak on grass courts to 60 straight… why do I feel like this guy does not pull as much a$$ as he should? And if he does, I wanna see what kind of caliber he is pulling, just so I can decide if growing my hair out that long is worth it.

8. Anne Hathaway… just needed to make a shout-out one more time.

At the end of the day, it’s comforting to know that ballplayers are just like the rest of us– they put their pants on one jealous, green-with-envy leg at a time:

In a Sports Illustrated survey of 495 Major League Baseball players in its June 23 issue, Jeter was voted the most overrated with 10% of the vote. Struggling Giants lefthander Barry Zito was second at 9%, while Alex Rodriguez and Red Sox outfielder J.D. Drew were tied for third with 7%. Mets third baseman David Wright and Red Sox first baseman Kevin Youkilis tied for fourth at 4%…

Padres designated hitter Tony Clark, who was a teammate of Jeter’s and Rodriguez’s on the 2004 Yankees, laughed off the results, calling it a case of envy. “The first poll I would 100% agree with,” Clark said of building a team around Jeter and A-Rod. “The second poll I would suggest is more jealousy on guys’ part, in respect to how talented those two guys are, the success they’ve had. I think it has a lot to do with that.”

Um, you think so, Tony? Now let me just preface what I’m about to say by pointing out that I’m not the biggest Jeter or A-rod apologist in the world; the 14-year-old in me stills loves Jeter’s clutchness, but the the 20-something-year-old me has grown to hate his inning-ending double plays and has never really warmed to A-rod (though if he keeps this up, A-rod will start to rival Mariano for the right to be called my man crush). That said, it’s pretty obvious what’s going on here. Think about it– if Maxim comes to you tomorrow and asks “If you’re out trying to pick up the hottest chicks on the planet, who would you want your wingmen to be?” without hesitation you’d say, “Derek Jeter, Justin Timberlake, Leonardo DiCaprio, or the lead singer from Maroon 5 (whatever the f@#k his name is).” But if they turn around and ask you, “Who do you hate with a passion, if for no other reason than they have a$$loads of money and get with chicks you could never dream of because they’re so hot your mind wouldn’t even be able to comprehend it?” you’d reply, “Derek Jeter, Justin Timberlake, Leonardo DiCaprio, and that Maroon 5 dude.”

I mean this might as well be in the Bible or something because it’s the oldest example of oxymoronic human behavior out there. Seriously, everyone wants to benefit from someone else’s greatness, but in the end, everyone hates that person for being great in the first place. The thought process is pretty simple: “if I want to win a championship, I know I’m not that great on my own, so I’m going to need a guy on my team who already has 532 career homeruns and is on pace to be the all-time homerun leader, and, come to think of it, I’ll also need a shortstop who’s gonna get 3,000 hits and already has 4 World Championships. Ah, but f@#k them. They steal all the hotties when we’re out, make millions in endorsements, and have the fattest contracts to boot. I should have all that sh*t too. I’m just as good as them… only I’m not, so I might as well just hate them for being better than me.” Sounds ridiculous, I know, but I’ve seen people do this enough in my own life — as I’m sure many of you have too — to know that this kind of thing happens all too often. So the next time some guy at the bar calls you a douchebag for stealing the gorgeous girl he was going after, or hates on you in the office because you have a higher salary than he does, just know that it’s because you’re better than him, and everyone knows it… even if they say otherwise.

Omar Minaya finally pulled the trigger and took out Willie Randolph, Rick Peterson, and Tom Neito in a Tuesday morning massacre. I hope Willie spit in Omar’s face when he was told that he was fired (the news broke before the Randolph and his coaches were informed of their new unemployment status). This whole saga pretty much sums up how truly inept the Mets’ front office is and how much class this organization lacks. It’s obvious Omar didn’t have the balls to fire Willie in NY, so he waited until the wee hours of the morning on the West Coast to have the bell boy deliver him his walking papers. For the maybe like 10 Met fans that visit this site– it is an embarrassing day to root for the Amazins.

Why wait the weekend? That is the question millions of Mets fans are asking in the wake of John Heyman’s report that Willie Randolph reign at Mets manger is about to come to an embarrassing end. In a hit that rivals any episode of the Sopranos, Willie Randolph is about to bite the bullet for his team’s poor play. And like what happens to our favorite small-screen gambinos, the events leading to the demise of Willie Randolph did not occur during just this season. After blowing a 7-game division lead during the final week of the 2007 season (Willie’s team made Linda Lovelace proud), Willie began this season under enormous pressure. And now, after Billy Wagner’s one-week audition for the ABC’s hit reality show The Mole (three blown saves in a row), the Mets are 33-35 and are 6 ½ games behind the Phillies in the division. Now it seems inevitable that Willie will be fired.

I know I have written numerous blogs calling for Willie’s scalp, but I’m going to reverse course and say that that this is not Willie’s fault. He has no guys in the bullpen, and seemingly half the team is on the DL collecting AARP (I wonder whose brilliant idea it was to count on Mosies Alou playing at least 100 games?). Unlike the heartless souls that own the team and the millions of fans that boo the Mets’ every mistake, I am sensitive to the fact that Willie Randolph was chosen as one of Clint Hurdle’s coaches for the All-Star game at Yankee Stadium, so maybe Freddy Wilpon could keep him off the chopping block until then. Eh, I guess now Willie is going to have to watch the game from home like me. Hopefully, Omar Minaya can join him and make it a party.

I wish I could say I was excited about the Mets finally winning a game, but I would be lying if I said I’m excited about anything having to do with the Mets, period. Maybe it’s the fact that Moises Alou’s calf is hurting him again, or that Billy Wagner blew another save? I don’t know. I guess what I’m trying to say is that the Mets may have won last night, but they are still a bad team. Instead of trying to win 61 more games they should try to take it one game at a time. For a team that is still sub-.500 and just broke a six game losing streak, 61 wins may be a little too ambitious.

Stick a fork in ‘em… the Mets are garbage. How does a team consider itself a World Series contender and then get swept in four-game series… by the worst team in the National League??? Actually, this is already the second time this season that the Mets got swept in a 4-game series. At least they had an excuse last time because it was against the Braves and they own the Mets. But what happened this weekend is a freakin’ joke. There are some minor league and even college teams with better offenses than the Padres’. And other than Adrian Gonzalez, who the f@#k else is even allowed to swing a bat on that team????? Honestly, I don’t know what is worse: watching this bullsh#t all weekend or going to the gas station, chopping off my arm, and handing it to the attendant for a gallon of gas (I thought the Saudi’s and the Bush families were like best friends?). Not only am I suffering from pain at the pump, but now my eyes hurt from watching the Mets all weekend.

(Update: this article has been attributed to Monnie D. for the last 24-hours, but it is a Chuck Wipple original. My apologies for the confusion)