I know, I know, after never even mentioning golf for ten months we are suddenly inundating you with piece after piece about Tiger Woods and the U.S. Open and you don’t even like golf so you’re getting pretty tired of it. I get it, so I guarantee you’ll be interested by the group of text you see under my name. So you don’t like golf because it’s boring. I understand, I used to be just like you. You had a better chance of getting Richard Simmons to lick vag than you did of getting me to watch golf. I used to constantly question my father’s sanity when he wanted to watch golf all day on Sunday and if we’d be driving home from a baseball or basketball tournament on Sunday and he’d tune the radio into golf I’d pray for us to wander into oncoming traffic. After all, golf on the television (and no HD) was bad enough, but golf on the radio, it doesn’t get any more boring than that. But that was back when I was young and immature and didn’t understand the world. I didn’t care to learn new things. I drank Coors Light. I didn’t like wine. I refused to watch soccer. I didn’t cook. I played video games instead of reading. I watched ‘Saved by the Bell.’ Now I’m older and slightly more mature (emphasis on slightly) and I understand the world much better. I enjoy learning. I drink Belgian Ales. I still don’t love wine, but I’ll drink it on occasion. I cook sometimes (more like grill) I read once in a while (shut up I said once in a while). Ok, I still watch ‘Saved by the Bell’ (F you it’s a great show). The point is, as I’ve grown slightly more mature, I’ve learned to give more things a chance, and you should too.
So you don’t watch golf? Because there’s not enough action and excitement? Do you only watch action movies? Do you refuse to watch anything that doesn’t involve Arnold, Sylvester, Bruce Willis, Van Dame, or Steven Segal? I’ll bet you enjoy comedies. That’s why you sometimes watch Olympic table tennis or curling. You love war epics. That’s why you love football. You hate chick flicks. That’s why you shun the WNBA. But you have to appreciate some dramas. Well that’s golf.
Those of you that, like Monnie D, actually gave this U.S. Open a shot can’t deny what I’m about to say: what golf lacks in action and excitement it makes up in drama. It’s actually that lack of action that helps make a golf major so dramatic. There is time in between every shot to let the tension build and realize that anything less than a perfect shot could cost someone the tournament. This particular U.S. Open was an ideal example.
First of all, Rocco Mediate had about as much chance of winning this tournament as Monnie D or I have of actually marrying Julianne Hough, so to see him actually come from behind Tiger in the final round (something nobody has ever done) of the U.S. Open to take a lead going into the final two holes was dramatic. We saw the 45 year-old number one hundred fifty something player in the world go shot for shot with the number one player ever. Tiger Woods stood on the 17th tee down a stroke, needing to hit 8 solid shots without a mistake in order to force a playoff - dramatic. And before that, Rocco Mediate stood on the 17th tee knowing he couldn’t take more than 9 shots to finish the final two holes or he would most likely blow the opportunity of a lifetime – the chance to be the United States Open Champion - dramatic. Every shot for both players carried enormous pressure with it. I got nervous as hell standing over a put on the 18th in a four man scramble with a $100 gift certificate to the Olive Garden on the line, these two had over five hundred thousand dollars (the difference between first and second place) resting on each shot they took. And then, as if that weren’t enough, they finished 72 holes tied – forcing an eighteen-hole playoff the next day. Surely now the underdog, Rocco, didn’t stand a chance.
But again on Monday afternoon Rocco Mediate, the over the hill “never was” who missed the cut in his first three tournaments of the season stood on the 17th tee with a one-shot lead over the best to ever play the game - dramatic. Again they went shot for shot until Rocco made a mistake and pulled his tee shot on eighteen into the fairway bunker, opening the door for Tiger to make back the one shot he was down and force a sudden death playoff after 90 holes of even golf - dramatic. Tiger took advantage of a mistake by Rocco on the first sudden death hole to capture is 14th golf major and deny Rocco, the ultimate underdog, his first. It was disappointing to much of America, who had grown to adore the fun loving forty-five year-old. Although many of us were disheartened when the underdog couldn’t pull off the miracle win, we still enjoyed the ride. After all, it was dramatic.
Oh, and I still refuse to watch soccer.
