Despite the fact that the Yanks’ season is going down the toilet faster than bags of crack during a DEA raid, I thought for sure we’d get back on track against our personal punching bags, the Twinkies. Well, considering that seems like a pipe dream at the moment (I still think we’ll take the next two), I have a handful of questions I’d just like to throw out there for sh*ts and giggles and see if I can’t come up with some answers for us battered Yankee fans…
1) How the f@#k can Johnny Damon ride the pine during the biggest game of the season? Forget the fact that every game from here on out is the biggest game of the season– if you ask me, this is right up there with Torre batting A-rod 8th in Game 4 of the 2006 ALDS in the pantheon of absurd roster decisions. Did A-rod suck incredible amounts of a$$ in that series? Of course. We are talking about the playoffs here, aren’t we? Still, everyone knew what a slap in the face/mind-f@#k it was for A-rod. That being the case, what kind of expression do you think was on AL-batting-leader Johnny Dizzle’s face when Joey G. came up to him in the clubhouse yesterday afternoon and told him Justin “40 career Major League at-bats” Christian would be taking his spot in the lineup? This better have been a punishment for something egregious (I highly doubt it) because there really is no other way to rationalize it. Speaking of benching guys for no good reason…
2) Why does Girardi insist on playing these lefty/righty matchups, and in the process sabotaging any chance we have at scoring runs? We have a B-team offense to begin with, so bringing in scrubs off the bench isn’t going to do us any favors. Seriously, anyone named Damon, Abreu, Giambi, or Cano cannot… I repeat, CANNOT, sit the rest of the season. I don’t care if they are batting 0-for-27,234,087 against whoever’s starting that day, they have to play. Figure out creative ways to get them rest — DH them, take them out in the 7th inning on getaway day, or whatever — but this BS simply can’t continue. Richie Sexson hasn’t hit anything but the waiver wire in the last four years. I don’t want to see him with a bat in his hand unless he’s defending his teammates in a Yanks/Sox brawl… and not because I want to see him crack anyone’s skull, but because it’ll probably land him in jail and off our roster. Which reminds me…
3) Can we put Melky Cabrera on the 60-day DL for sucking at life? After a pretty decent showing last season, all the pundits cautioned us that Melky wasn’t going to be the next Bernie Williams. F#$k, I’d settle for him being the next Mel Hall at this point. Saying he’s a disaster at the plate would actually be a compliment ’cause it would imply that Melky’s making some sort of impact on the game, albeit a negative one. I mean it’s like the guy doesn’t even exist. The only time his box score doesn’t register zeros across the board is when he notches a “1″ in the Caught Stealing column. Granted, he did ground into a rally-killing DP last night so he did make his presence felt, but he’s another guy I’d like to see disappear from the everyday lineup. In a perfect world, here’s my Yankee batting order:
1) Johnny Damon (CF)
2) Derek Jeter (SS)
3) Alex Rodriguez (3B)
4) Bobby Abreu (RF)
5) Xavier Nady (LF)
6) Jason Giambi (1B)
7) Robbie Cano (2B)
8) Pudge Rodriguez (C)
9) Wilson Betemit (DH)
Alright here’s the deal– A-rod needs to be moved up to 3rd ’cause he’s the one who needs protecting this year. Giambi can’t do that job ’cause he swings at an awful lot of sh*t for someone with such a “great eye.” So bat Abreu 4th, take a load off A-rod in the process, and hopefully get this offense rolling again with Nady providing a buffer for Giambi’s complete disregard for fundamental baseball, aka swinging for the fences no matter the situation. What, Abreu doesn’t hit enough home runs for ya? Bern-Baby-Bern averaged 26.2 homers-per-year from ‘96-’00 batting clean-up. Bobby’s on pace for 21 this year and he’s clearly our best situational hitter at the moment, so I think it’ll work out just fine. Oh right– notice no Melky? Betemit tends to be a little fond of the strike out, but he puts up some pretty decent power numbers when he gets some regular PT. At this point, we should be willing to try anything. If Matsui returns (big “if,” I know) then we can slot him into the 7-hole and then our lineup will actually start to resemble the one we’ve been running out there for the last few years. Again, not championship-caliber, but certainly playoff-caliber. One other thing… kind of a side-note: I know Jeter’s been awful this year, but I’m willing to give the guy a pass, and not because he’s won all those championships and blah blah blah. Remember when he came off the DL and was on fire… and then got drilled on the hand by Daniel Cabrera? He’s never really been the same since then, and I almost wonder if at the end of the season we’ll find out that he has a fractured hand, or some other injury that would’ve kept most guys out of the lineup for months (a la Tiger Woods in the US Open). I’m not saying that’ll definitely happen, but I wouldn’t be shocked if it did.
4) Do the injuries to Evan Longoria and Carl Crawford mean the Rays are in serious trouble? It’s kinda hard to say a team is in ANY kind of trouble when they are 25 games over .500 and lead their division by 4 games with only a quarter of the season left to play. That said, I’ve been predicting for a while now that the Rays would face some kind of serious adversity and that time has finally come. Longoria was a dark horse MVP candidate, and his injury is likely a season-ender; ditto for Crawford’s injury as well. It’s gonna be pretty freakin’ tough to maintain their current pace with arguably their two best offensive players on the DL. Don’t believe me? Just ask yourself how different things would be right now if Godzilla and Jorgie each had 100 games under their belt this season. Plus, their schedule the rest of the way is ridiculous. And chew on this… in every year since 2005, a division-leader has choked away a 5+ game lead in the standings to miss the playoffs entirely: in ‘05, the Nationals were the culprits; in ‘06 it was Rangers; and in ‘07 the Brewers, Padres, and those lovable Mets all pulled the trick. None of this guarantees we’ll catch them by any means, but I don’t see the Angels blowing their 14-game lead, and no one else has a 5+ game lead at this point, so might as well be the Rays this time around, right?
5) So are the Yankees done? Unequivocally, no. Now, are they up sh*t’s creek without a paddle? Absolutely. But can they swim their way out of this? With some hazmat suits and a Michael Phelps-ian effort, yes. Anytime you still have a combined 12 games left against the two teams ahead of you in the division, you always have a shot. Remember what the Phillies did to the Mets last year? Or how ’bout the Yanks, who took 5 of their last 6 (7 of their last 9) against the Sox to close out the ‘07 season. As bad as this team has looked, I just have a feeling there’s going to be a month-long stretch where we look completely unbeatable and run off one of those 20-wins-in-25-games stretches that will have us all believing that we can win the World Series. Now that’s definitely not happening — the Angels are basically the ‘98 Yankees — but right now every Yankee fan to a man will settle for the playoffs with the way things sit right now. Hughes is due back at the end of this week/early next, Joba will be back in another week or so, and if we can finally trot out Sidney Ponson as our #5, you’ll see us start to rip off a ridiculous stretch in the next week or so. It still might not be enough to get us to October considering how deep a hole we’ve dug ourselves, but at least it’ll give us a shot at things. And if that doesn’t happen, just look on the bright side– you call can rag on me the entire offseason for having such a misplaced sense of blind faith in the ‘08 Yanks.
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