So Saturday night MFH and I were at one of our favorite spots, and the DJ was spinning a lot of old school Jay-Z, Biggie, etc. And it got us thinking– how much does today’s rap suck? Every song has pretty much the same bass-line going on with those crazy sirens playing in the background and the lyrics don’t even make any sense, most likely because all the good ones were burned up by the late 90s. That being the case, does this spoof video count as good rap considering the song itself ain’t half-bad and the lyrics are wittier than anything we’ve heard since “The Life and Times of S.Carter, Vol. 3″? I’d have to say “Yes, yes it does.” But even if you don’t agree, you gotta admit– it’s pretty freakin’ funny.

Apparently Kerry Wood is just as pissed as I am about the rain delay in the Yankees/Mets game.

Back in ‘99, we took the “French pastry”, so what should we call Danilo Gallinari? The f@#king Calzone? I guess some people are saying this kid’s the next Toni Kukoc. Awesome. So he looks like a Poindexter and he’d be a great 5th option on a championship team. Would’ve been a great pick if we were the freaking Celtics. Didn’t Isiah tell Donnie Walsh during his exit interview that we lost, not won, 59 games last year? As a Knick fan, I have no choice other than to try to find the silver lining in everything, so two thoughts: 1) if this kid really is the reincarnation of Kukoc, then Donnie Walsh will look like a genius two years down the line if we really do pair him with another #23– LeBron James. We kinda put the cart before the horse, but at least there seems to be some semblance of a plan at work here; 2) the last time a coach did a favor for a family friend in the draft, it resulted in Mike Piazza being taken with the last pick in the ‘88 MLB draft. Here’s hoping history repeats itself…

Nothing has happened to change my opinion from when I first handicapped the Knicks’ draft prospects (well, other than us not having a top-5 pick), so I’d be drafting the same guy I would’ve drafted on February 15th– O.J. Mayo. Unfortunately, the smart money has him being taken with the 2nd or 3rd pick, so here’s some ideas on what we should do instead:

1) Trade up to get Mayo– I don’t care what it takes, just make it happen. I’d also suggest that Donnie try to swing a deal with Chicago/Miami for the 1st or 2nd pick, but there’s a better chance of us winning 60 games next year than that happening.

2) Trade Marbury and Malik Rose’s expiring contract for Baron Davis, then draft an athletic big-man like Anthony Randolph (sorry to half-steal your idea, Chuck)– Donnie Walsh has been dropping hints left and right about his willingness to forego drafting a PG if he can acquire an accomplished vet to run the show, and B-Diddy certainly fits the bill. Plus, his contract will come off the books after next season, so putting him in Orange and Blue would accomplish two of Walsh’ main goals– 1) get us well under the cap when LeBron becomes an FA in 2010 and 2) keep us somewhat competitive in the interim. If Davis is in the fold, then we might as well take a gamble on Randolph, who has been compared to Chris Bosh.

3) Trade up to get Mayo– we better f@#kin’ do it!

4) Trade David Lee and Malik Rose to Memphis for the 5th pick and Brian Cardinal, then draft Mayo (if he’s available there, which he won’t be, in which case we should take Russell Westbrook) and Randolph– This isn’t a Monnie D. original obviously, but it’s a pretty decent alternative as far as the “kill two birds with one stone” approach goes. We need a PG and someone who can play above the rim like Chuck mentioned, and we’d get both if we could pull this off. The deal obviously becomes the greatest thing since God created T&A if Mayo slips to 5th. I know, I know, most of you would rather make out with Sarah Jessica Parker than trade D-Lee, but seriously, just because he’s the only white guy on the team doesn’t make him our best player… it just makes him your favorite one. It’s time to get something in return for him before his stock plummets in D’Antoni’s shooter-oriented system.

5) Trade up to get Mayo– I think you get the point.

Unless the Knicks find some way of be in position to draft either O.J. Mayo or Derrick Rose, the Knicks need to demonstrate their desire to really rebuild the team and draft Anthony Randolph because if the goal is to truly secure Lebron James services in 2010, then the Knicks need to add complimentary players… NOW! I know several mock drafts have the Knicks selecting Russell Westbrook or Jerryd Bayless. However, last time I checked, the Knicks’ roster is full of under-sized shooting guards who can’t play the point. So why draft another one??? Or some people say they should look into Danilo Gallinari. Need I remind you all of the success rate of the European big man in the NBA???? Besides Dirk, I am hard pressed to name even one guy who’s become an impact player (Donny-Darko anyone?) And the one guy who does come to mind — Vlade Divac — is retired. Other than Michael Beasley, no other big man has as much potential as Randolph, and he can do one thing that every other Knick big man has trouble doing– playing above the rim. This certainly wouldn’t be the most popular pick, but I think in the long run it will be the best one for the franchise’s future.

Warning: The following blog entry is rated “M” for Men. Women who are easily offended are strongly urged to skip this entry and move on to Monnie D’s latest discussion of the Yankees or Chuck Wipple’s tear-soaked piece about the Mets still sucking. This is the most vicious and tasteless blog entry Subway Chatter has posted. It’s despicable, but some will love it. That being said I welcome all hate mail: mfh@subwaychatter.com. Now, in the spirit of the Maxim Hot 100, which was recently released, and drawing upon our long-established history of rating women, I give you the Subway Chatter “Not 100” (divided by 10)…

You know how you’ll be watching TV and you see a chick on the screen and a bunch of your buddies launch into how hot she is, leaving you sitting there thinking, “I find her about as sexually stimulating as the show Fear Factor?” Or you listen to someone on the television go on and on about how beautiful a chick is and you just sit there flabbergasted? I’ve recently experienced a few of those moments decided I had to sit down and compile this list. Here is a list of the top 10 women people find hot that just aren’t.

10. Evangeline Lilly (“Kate” from Lost)

She’s OK, I’d give her like a 6, but come on, so many guys talk about how hot she is and she’s only the 4th or 5th hottest chick that‘s been on the show (most of the others have been killed off unfortunately).

9. Lindsay Lohan

I’m not big on the freckles all over a body which at times isn’t that great. To me big boobs on a young chick doesn’t automatically make her hot. All that being said I’d still tag her and not even have to be drunk. Sometimes she looks kind of good, sometimes not so much. No way should she be top ten in the Maxim Hot 100. Sidebar - When she first became popular well before all of the coke allegations my buddy told a story about how a friend of his found a wallet on the sidewalk in New York and looked inside and found out it was Lindsey Lohan’s. Upon further inspection he found a small bag of coke. We weren’t sure how much to believe him. Fast forward about a year and half and she’s driving under the influence with coke in the car.

8. Anne Hathaway

Anne Hathaway? Really? Come on. My buddy Alvie won’t like this (Editor’s note: and neither will Consiglieri) but I don’t know why guys consider ol’ camel-face hot. What is it exactly that makes her pretty? Her grapefruit sized eyes or her alligator mouth? She looks like the chick in high school who was always awkward and unattractive and then one summer she grew into her body and came back junior year with a pretty nice rack, but still has that face. And your buddy comes up to you and says, “Damn, Anne got hot!” But you remind him that just because she’s hot-ter doesn’t mean she’s hot. Yeah she went from a 3 ½ to a 5 ½ or 6, but she’s still a 5 ½ or 6. And you tell him to concentrate on Christina, who went from a 9 down to an 8 and although she’s an 8, that loss of a point hurt her self esteem just enough that she may actually give your buddy a chance. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh yeah, Anne Hathaway - not that hot. It looks like this camel mated with this big-eyed bastard, and she was the resulting offspring.

7. Mary Kate Olsen

You know how when the Olsen Twins were 16 and 17 and people were eagerly anticipating their turning legal? I won’t argue there certainly was some potential there. Well the payoff was almost as bad as the payoff at the end of The Village. It was a waste of potential on par with Mark Prior. For Mark Prior it was injuries that killed his mojo, for the Olsen twins it appears to be anorexia. This is nice. Skeleton-like - not so much. I actually don’t know which one is which, this may or may not be Mary Kate. Which brings us to…

7a. Ashley Olsen

This very well may be the same one as above, I just don’t know, but does it really matter?

6. Beyonce

From the waist up she looks good, but her legs and hips are HUGE! I’m sorry but I have a hard time finding a chick whose legs are twice the circumference of mine attractive. If she got her legs wrapped around me I’m quite certain she would crush me like a beer can on Blutarsky’s head.

5. Sarah Jessica Parker

I know every woman on the planet loves her show, but a word to the few broads who didn’t head my warning at the top of this piece: you do not want to look like any of the women on the show and frankly you don’t want to act like any of them either. Alright, so not many people call SJP hot, but a small number have tried and she certainly has tried to pass herself off as a sex symbol in Sex and the City as well as that make-up or hair commercial that she’s been in recently. Sorry horse-face, I’m not buying it.

4. Laura Prepon

I saw her Maxim spread a few years ago. I burned that issue. Next.

3. Serena Williams

(Given that this is a sports site, I needed to get an athlete on this list) Please nobody tell her she’s on this list, she could kill me with her bear hands (no, that’s not a typo). This “chick” could play linebacker for the Steelers. I’m sorry but any “female” that I would give a legitimate shot to run over Ray Lewis if you gave “her” a football does not strike me as attractive. I don’t hear very often that she’s attractive but Mike Wilbon, among others, often calls her beautiful on PTI and I always yell at the TV “She is ENOURMOUS!” or “She’s a beast you jackass!” He has yet to hear me through the screen.

2. Rose McGowan

Speaking as a pale man myself I have to say she’s just too pale. I’m a pale Irishman and standing next to her I’d look like Wesley Snipes (just as ripped mind you). Rumor has it when she walks in front of a white wall she actually disappears, all you see if floating black hair. On top of that she simply isn’t attractive at all. I’d rather watch soccer than hook up with Rose McGowan. I will concede that she looked pretty good in Grindhouse but my guess is that’s just good camera and lighting work by an inarguably great director.

1. Drew Barrymore

I’m probably going to piss off some females with this selection (not that they could get this far without hating me) because girls seem to really like her, but I’m sorry sweetheart, Drew Barrymore is NOT ATTRACTIVE. In Poison Ivy she looked ok, but that was quickly overshadowed by Alyssa Milano in Poison Ivy 2 and Jamie Pressley in Poison Ivy 3 – two women who are indeed hot. Charlie’s Angels reminded me of that game on Sesame Street, “which of these things is not like the others?” I don’t think Cameron Diaz looked fantastic in that and I’m not a big fan of Lucy Liu, but they still far outshined Drew. Drew Barrymore is like the girl next door…if you live in Buffalo (those who’ve lived in Buffalo know what I’m talking about here). Recently I was reminded that she was in E.T. and I actually thought for a moment she played E.T.’s alien love interest. In case you can’t tell, I’m sick of Hollywood casting Drew Barrymore in roles where she’s supposed to be cute or sexy. She’s not.

If you have a problem with anyone on this list feel free to let me hear about it. But be ready for me to mercilessly tear you a new one for your atrocious taste in women.

F#@k you, pay me. Remember when Hank said Joba could be our Josh Beckett? Joba’s got a 1.80 ERA as a starter, while Beckett’s dogging it with a 3.73 this year. What a f@#king insult!

If you are at all a baseball fan do yourself a favor and watch the final game of the College World Series tonight between Georgia and Fresno State. Tonight is game three of a three game set and is sure to be as thrilling as baseball gets. The passion and excitement that these kids play with is unmatched, even in the MLB World Series. The enthusiasm the crowd shows (made up mostly of family and close friends rather than the corporate CEOs and Hollywood stars that litter the seats of Major League stadiums throughout the playoffs) is super contagious and only matched by the enthusiasm shown on the field. This year viewers get the added benefit of watching the final chapter in the greatest Cinderella story in college sports history. Fresno State is looking to become the first team with thirty or more losses to win the College World Series, and the lowest seed in ANY NCAA sport to win a championship.

Fresno State needed to win the WAC championship just to make it to the NCAA tournament. Beginning with that WAC championship game they faced five elimination games, four as underdogs. They entered the NCAA regional as a four seed. Not so bad you say? There are only four seeds in each region. With 64 total teams in the tournament, a four seed amounts to a 13-16 seed in the NCAA basketball tournament. Fresno State took out 1 seed Long Beach St. and then 2nd-seeded San Diego. After losing the first game of a three game series with 1 seeded Arizona State, the Bulldogs needed to win two straight against the number 3 team in the country. Somehow Cinderella pulled it off and advanced to the 8-team College World Series where they continued their unlikely run, defeating number 6 in the country Rice, and taking two of three from number 2 in the country North Carolina. Oh and by the way, they made this run through the World Series with their ace pitcher benched by an arm injury. To review, this is what Fresno State’s run through the tournament would look like if the baseball tournament was set up the same way as the much more popular basketball tournament: They won their conference tournament and earned a 14 seed. They took down a 3 seed in round 1, then took out a 6 seed in the second round. They beat the 1 seed in their region (3rd in the country) in the Sweet 16 and beat the 2 seed in their region (6 in the country) in the Elite 8. In the Final Four they ran into another 1 seed (2 in the country) and beat them. Now in the Finals they face another 2 seed (8 in the country). That’s a hell of a run for a 14th-seeded Cinderella. How can you not root for these guys?

In baseball though, the finals is actually a three game series. So up 6-3 heading into the bottom of the 8th in game 1, Fresno State lost the lead and lost the game 7-6. Again the Bulldogs found themselves needing to win two straight against a team ranked in the top 10 nationally. Then in game 2 Georgia built an early 5-0 lead and felt the title in their grasp, only to see Fresno State storm back for a big 19-10 victory, keeping their unlikely championship hopes alive. The first two games of this series were extremely exciting to watch and this final game promises to be the best of the bunch.

The College World Series is baseball at its purest (except for the aluminum bats). And tonight at 7PM ESPN will be airing the deciding game of the 2008 College World Series and the final game of this storied run by Fresno State. There’s no question it will be an exciting, emotional game. The only question is: Will the ultimate Cinderella get her fairy tale ending?

Q: Brian Runge bumped Manuel last night then ejected him? He also ejected Carlos Beltran? What nationality are they?

A: Hispanic.

A: Well, there ya go.

Imus’ point when he tried to explain why he said what he said and do some damage control does have some validity: how many white athletes are being charged with weapons possession, domestic violence, and drugs? A helluva lot less than those athletes of a darker persuasion, and not just because they don’t do any of those things.

As for Runge’s instigation… he wouldn’t wanna try that with Ozzie Guillen, who probably has a switch-blade (I can use Hispanic stereotypes like that, I’m half-Cuban), or Joey G, who’s pretty jacked, or Lou P, who would rip up first base and stick it up Runge’s bum sideways. Now if it were Ed Hochuli behind the plate, he could call me Mary of Francine and I would skip-to-my-lou my darling, because he’s a monster.

So much for the whole “D-Raz = Aaron Small 2k8″ thing. Just a shot in the dark here, but I got a hundy on B-Ca$h trying to figure out a way to get C(offee). C(ake). Sabathia in Pinstripes by The 4th.

This weekend I saw Get Smart. I used to watch it on Nick at Nite and it was pretty funny back in the day. Well, the big screen version was no disappointment as Steve Carrel made you almost pee yourself in playing Maxwell Smart. Duane “The Rock” Johnson also makes an appearance as the Great Khali, both from the WWE.

However the most intriguing performance was that of Anne Hathway. Once Disney’s little princess, she is now a legitimate sex kitten. She’s asked to use her sex appeal in a variety of situations and, I gotta tell ya, it works.

I usually don’t do movie reviews, well, because this is a sports site (although variety and the like has never been discouraged), but I would strongly encourage going to see Get Smart because it’s funny and Anne Hathaway can get it.

To touch on some sports issues though:

1. Shaq’s freestyle was rabbitish and a little weak… Kobe, you could eat my a$$? Very original. Could’ve went with suck my [beep], but a$$ was definitely more crowd-friendly.

2. On a somewhat related note, Ozzie Guillen went freaking nuts two weeks or so ago saying how everyone and everything basically could eat his a$$, and the White Sox have played legitimate baseball since then.

3. Willie Randolph was supposedly doomed before he could get a bona fide crack at turning the Mets around this season… and after last year’s collapse like a back alley boob job, it wasn’t really a surprise. New York is all about winning and if you don’t, your job is in jeopardy… unless you coach the Knicks, then you have a few years and a gajillion dollars before to blow before you’re ousted.

4. “Pacman” Jones no longer wishes to be referred to by his nickname and strictly wants to be known as Adam Jones. I guess it’s easier than having to remember “Prison Number 736492128.”

5. Interleague play is a stellar idea that should be continued as long as possible. Sure, it might take some of the glamour away from the World Series, but in all reality, it’s one of the only times a number of fans can see their teams play with the big dogs in the AL. You can thank us in advance for your best attendance numbers of the season, Pittsburgh Pirates.

6. Maria Sharapova said she would be wearing less flashy clothes at Wimbeldon… and we would continue to watch her play why?

7. Roger Federer extended his win streak on grass courts to 60 straight… why do I feel like this guy does not pull as much a$$ as he should? And if he does, I wanna see what kind of caliber he is pulling, just so I can decide if growing my hair out that long is worth it.

8. Anne Hathaway… just needed to make a shout-out one more time.

The most disappointing part of this whole “freestyle” — if we can even call it that because it’s pretty obvious Shaq’s been rehearsing this since last week; think about it, how many freestyles can you think of off the top of your head that have a chorus — has to be the “Kobe, tell me how my a$$ tastes” line ’cause it really makes no sense whatsoever. I mean I get it, Shaq doesn’t like Kobe, but the only time you’d be tasting something is if you put it in your mouth, and I’m almost positive Shaq’s backside isn’t fitting inside Kobe’s face. I’m guessing he was trying to go with Mike Tyson’s infamous “How my ‘dic-tate’” line here, which is obviously more anatomically appropriate, and just botched it. Oh, you mean the Tyson thing was just the punchline for a bad joke? K, nevermind then. The Ewing thing kinda pisses me off though. Shaq can loose weight faster than he can make a free throw, yet he sees fit to attack the greatest jump-shooting center in NBA history? I don’t remember Shaq winning any championships by himself the way Pat was asked to every year. Dis’ Kobe all you want, you fat bastard, but John Starks he is not.

Forget instant replay, MLB better figure this thing out because when this kid eventually gets to the Bronx — the Yanks drafted him in 20th round (And he’s pretty much guaranteed to, right? I mean you don’t just leave circus freaks like this stashed away in the minors, do you? Hell no. You get them up to the bigs ASAP so Kenny Maine can do a million-and-one specials on him.) — and Jason Varitek steps in the box, I don’t want V-tek pulling the same kind of bush league crap that the batter did here. Eh, actually, let him. We’ve all seen what happens this year when Joe Girardi gets pissed off… not once, but twice.

I guess they weren’t 100% sure the first time, but the coroner’s office confirmed it today. Far be it from us here at SC to take pleasure in someone’s season-(and potentially career-)ending surgery, but at this point, any time Boston gets dealt a bit of bad news, we aren’t exactly going to cry about it either.

PS– Aren’t Curt Schilling and Steven Tyler just the cutest gay couple you’ve ever seen??

At the end of the day, it’s comforting to know that ballplayers are just like the rest of us– they put their pants on one jealous, green-with-envy leg at a time:

In a Sports Illustrated survey of 495 Major League Baseball players in its June 23 issue, Jeter was voted the most overrated with 10% of the vote. Struggling Giants lefthander Barry Zito was second at 9%, while Alex Rodriguez and Red Sox outfielder J.D. Drew were tied for third with 7%. Mets third baseman David Wright and Red Sox first baseman Kevin Youkilis tied for fourth at 4%…

Padres designated hitter Tony Clark, who was a teammate of Jeter’s and Rodriguez’s on the 2004 Yankees, laughed off the results, calling it a case of envy. “The first poll I would 100% agree with,” Clark said of building a team around Jeter and A-Rod. “The second poll I would suggest is more jealousy on guys’ part, in respect to how talented those two guys are, the success they’ve had. I think it has a lot to do with that.”

Um, you think so, Tony? Now let me just preface what I’m about to say by pointing out that I’m not the biggest Jeter or A-rod apologist in the world; the 14-year-old in me stills loves Jeter’s clutchness, but the the 20-something-year-old me has grown to hate his inning-ending double plays and has never really warmed to A-rod (though if he keeps this up, A-rod will start to rival Mariano for the right to be called my man crush). That said, it’s pretty obvious what’s going on here. Think about it– if Maxim comes to you tomorrow and asks “If you’re out trying to pick up the hottest chicks on the planet, who would you want your wingmen to be?” without hesitation you’d say, “Derek Jeter, Justin Timberlake, Leonardo DiCaprio, or the lead singer from Maroon 5 (whatever the f@#k his name is).” But if they turn around and ask you, “Who do you hate with a passion, if for no other reason than they have a$$loads of money and get with chicks you could never dream of because they’re so hot your mind wouldn’t even be able to comprehend it?” you’d reply, “Derek Jeter, Justin Timberlake, Leonardo DiCaprio, and that Maroon 5 dude.”

I mean this might as well be in the Bible or something because it’s the oldest example of oxymoronic human behavior out there. Seriously, everyone wants to benefit from someone else’s greatness, but in the end, everyone hates that person for being great in the first place. The thought process is pretty simple: “if I want to win a championship, I know I’m not that great on my own, so I’m going to need a guy on my team who already has 532 career homeruns and is on pace to be the all-time homerun leader, and, come to think of it, I’ll also need a shortstop who’s gonna get 3,000 hits and already has 4 World Championships. Ah, but f@#k them. They steal all the hotties when we’re out, make millions in endorsements, and have the fattest contracts to boot. I should have all that sh*t too. I’m just as good as them… only I’m not, so I might as well just hate them for being better than me.” Sounds ridiculous, I know, but I’ve seen people do this enough in my own life — as I’m sure many of you have too — to know that this kind of thing happens all too often. So the next time some guy at the bar calls you a douchebag for stealing the gorgeous girl he was going after, or hates on you in the office because you have a higher salary than he does, just know that it’s because you’re better than him, and everyone knows it… even if they say otherwise.