Abra Cadabra, B#tch

Dazzling effects, wizadry, and fantasy worlds… this is similar to Harry Potter to some degree, but differs in one great respect: our hero in this Story that Never Ends gets laid, or at least wants to. Sure, Atreyu isn’t actually seen nailing the princess, but after he defeats the Nothing and kills the wolf with a piece of stone that was laying near by, you better believe he’s having some hero sex. Meanwhile, Daniel Radcliffe says that he looked all night for this one chick, and yet, he can’t even nail Emma Watson (who is starting to fill quite out nicely I might add). It makes sense then that the only thing Potter can do is play with a wand.

Instead of searching for this girl who was “staring” at him the whole night (If a girl wants you that badly, she’ll approach you. It is genetically encoded in the female DNA to approach a guy with no problem, and shoot an approaching guy down with even less of a problem. Guys aren’t as lucky. Unless we’re hammered– and then we might be approaching you neh-ked, in which case if you run– then we’ll just go Will Ferrel style and streak through the quad.) maybe Radcliffe wants to get a hold of the lead singer who does the soundtrack for the Never Ending Story… they’d like each other.

Thank you Monnie D., for reminding me why the Never Ending Story kicks a$$, along with the rest of the 80’s!