The Foxy Four!!!

Ladies and Gentlemen, I am proud to present to you the…

2008 TOURNAMENT OF HOTTIES FOXY FOUR!!!

Get your votes in to see who’ll play in this weekend’s Championship Game!!! Polls stay open until 12AM PST Saturday.

I don’t know which I’m more excited about, the NCAA men’s Final Four –- which tips off this weekend — or the inaugural Subway Chatter Tournament of Hotties Foxy Four, which commences today. The Final Four promises to be one of the best in recent memory, but there’s plenty of time to get to that later in the week. Right now I want to discuss the Foxy Four. You have to hand it to these four gorgeous women– they worked their way through a tremendous field of beauties. Not a single one-seed made it out of their respective region, which is a testament to the parity in the field this year. As I get over the disappointment of super sexy Tiffany getting the boot from Beauty and the Geek, I will go through a quick recap of each participant’s road to the Foxy Four.

Probably the least surprising is Jessica Biel coming out of the movie region. After seeding these hotties, I had an argument with my friend Alvie over who deserved the one-seed in the movie region: Biel or Alba. It turns out Alvie was right (savor the flavor kid ‘cause it doesn’t happen often). It seems Jessica Alba was hindered by the whole pregnancy thing and Ms. Biel took the battle of the Jessica’s in an extremely close one. Apparently SC Nation doesn’t like their chicks impregnated by douchebags. With the exception of the regional finals, Biel’s run through the Movie Region was uneventful. She easily disposed of Natalie Portman and Halle Berry before taking down Elisha Cuthbert in a closer contest. I have to make her the favorite to knock off Hayden Panettiere and advance to the Championship Game.

In the wide open TV Region, our youngest competitor, Hayden Panettiere, turned away WWE vixen Stacey Keibler’s bid for a Foxy Four appearance. I don’t know what it says about our readers that the winner of the TV Region is barely legal, having taken out significantly more mature beauties like Sofia Vergara (aka the bitch who knocked out MFH’s future wife in the first round) and Eva Longoria. I’m not going to lie, I’m very surprised at this eight-seed’s run to the Foxy Four; perhaps we have more sci-fi geeks reading our site than I thought. I think her magic has run out though, as Jessica Biel is too strong for this cheerleader. Hayden may surprise me with a 1985-Villanova-like performance, but I think Biel’s experience should really shine through in these later rounds, while Panettiere’s inexperience will ultimately mean her demise.

The stunning Carrie Underwood capped off a surprising run through the Music Region with a shocking victory over powerhouse and notorious imbecile Jessica Simpson, completing the Simpson sweep. It looks as though I’m not the only one who thinks Tony Romo made a bad choice dropping Carrie Underwood for that dummy (though, full disclosure, I voted for Jessica because I do think she’s hotter). The seven-seeded Underwood began her magical run by disposing of the younger, big-nosed Simpson (you know, the one who sings so poorly you almost wish throat cancer upon her). In the second round, my American Idol pulled off a shocking upset over the 2nd-seeded sometimes dirty, sometimes sweet Christina Aguilera, leading some to speculate that SC Nation prefers their girls somewhat wholesome. The Sexy 16 brought on Shakira, who, with only one name, didn’t stand a chance against Care Bear (it’s my pet name for her…she likes it). Although she already took out one juggernaut, I can’t see her getting past Marissa Miller to make the finals.

SI swimsuit goddess Marissa Miller persevered through the grueling Modeling Region –- by far the toughest region in this year’s bracket -– to get to the Foxy Four. In the opening round Miller easily brushed aside hall-of-famer Heidi Klum, who just doesn’t quite have it anymore. In the second round Marissa took down SC favorite, and Vegas’ Cinderella pick, Paige Butcher, in a closer match-up. After those two difficult wins, things just got tougher as double M went up against many people’s Foxy Four pick, Adrianna Lima in the Sexy 16. Again Marissa was up to the tremendous challenge and squeaked by Lima despite the complaints filed by some readers. Things only got tougher for Ms. Miller as she met up with the unanimous SC writer choice to come out of the Modeling Region, Alessandra Ambrosio. Double M took down Double A in another close one, making me 0-4 in the regional finals.

This promises to be an exciting Foxy Four, however I think there is a clear favorite in each semi-final match-up. Provided the seeds hold and Jessica Biel meets Marissa Miller in the finals, it could be a historic championship event for the 1st annual Subway Chatter Tournament of Hotties. I don’t know who wins out of those two, but I do know of one sure winner in all this: SC Nation.