Doesn’t this remind you a lot of that pitcher in Little League who was getting shelled in the first inning, and after he had given up seven runs without recording an out he grabbed his arm, started crying, and begged out of the game… but then five minutes later you looked in the dugout and he was miraculously healed? Now I’m not saying that’s what happened here, but I’m just saying.

People is offering a sneak peek at their annual 100 Most Beautiful People, which hits shelves this Friday, and after seeing the results, you gotta wonder if the editors over there realize what a joke this thing has become. I mean other than 50+-year-old grandmas, who think anyone without saggy boobs, wrinkles, and cottage cheese legs is beautiful, no one takes this thing seriously anymore. There are only so many times that you can mix in the heinously ugly– Rumer Willis (that’s her photoged above in case you felt like turning to stone today), the slightly less unattractive– Mary J. Blige, and fire crotches– Julianne Moore, with the likes of Salma Hayek and Isla Fisher before people start to catch on and realize this is just some elaborate ploy to shove mediocrity down our throats in the hopes that we’ll all start to buy into stupid clichés like “it only matters how beautiful you are on the inside” and blah blah blah. I’m sorry, but if you claim to have found the 100 most beautiful people in the world, then at the very least I expect this thing to look a little bit more like FHM’s 100 Sexiest Women (I can’t comment on what guys should be on the list for obvious reasons) instead of the cast from The Swan.

But I guess the biggest question here is this– judging from the criteria they’re using over at People (whatever it is), how does Sarah Jessica Parker not claim the top spot every year?

The 2008 NFL draft went for the Giants much like I thought it would. As worried as I am about Kenny Phillips being a difference maker (in the positive sort of way) I knew Reese and Co. were going to end up taking him with the 31st pick. Although I was holding out hope that Jarod Mayo would fall that far, I didn’t think there was much of a chance of that happening. I did not think he would go as high as ten, but after Keith Rivers (surprising to me) went at nine to the Bengals, I wasn’t shocked to see New England address their biggest weakness at ten with Mayo. It’s no secret that the Giants NEED a safety, and picking Phillips in the first round was probably the right move, but I just don’t love it. The guy is a hell of an athlete, but he makes a lot of mistakes that he just can’t afford to make in the NFL. I’m hoping he’s coachable enough to let Spagnoulo rid him of the false steps and misreads. If that happens, Phillips could be a potential Pro Bowler and more than worthy of the 31st pick in this draft.

In the second round the Giants decided to go cornerback and picked Terrell Thomas out of USC. I had a feeling the Giants would choose another corner early in this draft, but with Tavares Gooden out of Miami still on the board I think I would have rather seen New York take a chance with him at outside linebacker. It’s debatable which position is a greater need for Big Blue and I thought there was a little more depth at corner with a guy like Tyvonn Branch still available to them in round three. I also thought they could take a chance on Zach Bowman in the fourth or fifth round (he ended up going early in the fifth) and try to develop his undeniable talent. Still, Terrell Thomas is a talented defensive back in his own right and can certainly be a number two or three corner for Steve Spagnoulo’s defense.

Even though they passed on Tavares Gooden, the Giants did not ignore their need for help at linebacker and snagged two of them, selecting Bryan Kehl of BYU in the fourth round and Jonathan Goff from Vandy in the fifth. The Giants traded up to get Kehl and I like the move. He’s a big, athletic kid that can put on more bulk, which could help him overcome one of his weaknesses – shedding blocks. He’s fast enough to cover sideline to sideline against the run and covers good ground in a zone against the pass. Also, character is not an issue for this guy — he missed two years in college while on a Mormon mission, which automatically makes him a better man than I am. Goff is a very similar player, both in what he does well and what he needs to work on, though not graded as high as Kehl. My one problem with Goff is that he looks like he’s the younger brother of Terrell Owens. All indications are that he’s not nearly the douche TO is, but the resemblance makes me uneasy.

The Giants made two great value picks in the 2008 draft. The first was taking fallen angel Andre Woodson at the end of the sixth round. At the beginning of the season, Woodson was projected as a top pick. He has prototypical NFL size and arm strength with great touch on the deep ball and tremendous accuracy. He can put the right zip on the ball to hit the deep out and fire the ball into small holes over the middle. Woodson saw his stock plummet towards the end of the season as NFL scouts noticed a hitch in his delivery, causing him to take too long to get rid of the ball. He also showed a tendency to lock onto his number one receiver. Still, I don’t think many people figured Andre to drop all the way to the end of the sixth round and I love that the Giants stole him there even though Eli Manning (not exactly an old man) just led them to a Super Bowl championship. Woodson could develop into a more than capable backup and may eventually replace Eli, or serve as attractive trade bait.

The other value pick the Giants made was at receiver in the third round, but not the receiver I was calling for pre-draft at that spot. Shockingly, Donnie Avery was the FIRST receiver to come off the board at 33 to the Rams. I don’t think most people had him in the top ten receivers chosen in their mock drafts, I know I certainly didn’t. I also didn’t think there was any chance Mario “Eli” Manningham would last so long, but he did. Manningham is fast (faster than his 40 would indicate) and runs great routes; he just flat-out knows how to get open. His stock fell because of character questions, but Jerry Reese interviewed him thoroughly and ultimately gave his stamp of approval. After last year, that’s good enough for me. Manningham is the receiver the Giants need to stretch the field and provide that home run threat. My guess is that the Giants were looking to go linebacker with this pick, but when they saw Manningham still on the board when they were put on the clock they couldn’t pass him up. I love this pick.

Overall I could justify grading this year’s draft for the Giants anywhere in the C- to B+ range. They addressed their biggest areas of need and drafted some very talented players, including some potential gems in the later rounds. As most of you know, I’m not yet sold on Kenny Phillips, but I can’t fault the Giants at all for drafting him with their 1st rounder as they desperately needed a safety with the ability to cover speedy slot receivers as well as help stop the run. Still, some had him as the second best safety in a weak safety draft class, and he really doesn’t provide first round value. On the other hand, Mario Manningham could wind up being the steal of the 2008 Draft. Plus, after the draft Jerry Reese and his boys had last year, I have to give them the benefit of the doubt this time around. Grade: B

Last night the Yankees’ ace-of-the-future, Phil Hughes, had another outing we’ve grown accustomed to, what with his league-leading fewest innings per start. After serving up a two-run shot to Gary Sheffield, Hughes’ confidence, whatever little was there, disappeared faster than Jamie Lynn Spears’ V-card.

Perhaps Phil, and all of the young stars on the Yanks need to get together, go out on a street in the Bronx and play some stick ball and get back to their roots. They need to relax and have fun. Look at Cano– he hit a 2-run shot and had a grin from ear to ear and there was a bounce in his step… now maybe he’ll just play the game the way he’s used to doing and stop over-thinking every damn thing.

I’ll admit that this may be more difficult for Hughes to do, ’cause the position he plays does call for a little bit more thought than required from infielders and outfielders. But if he was able to fly through the minors the way he did, he should be able to attack major league hitters with similar results and hopefully he’ll have some of the success that he had down there.

Btw, did anyone else catch that shot of Doc Gooden rocking a Canadian tuxedo in his denim jean jacket and jeans?

The Yankees are horrible right now– which may seem like a ridiculous statement given the fact that our 14-14 record sh*ts on our 9-14 start last year (we were actually 13-15 after 28 games, but I’m trying to make a point here), but it’s true nonetheless– and the Rangers are even worse. I’m to the point where I’m watching these games expecting pretty much anything and everything to go wrong– from the Yankees hitting weak a$$ inning-ending grounders for the upteenth time with the bases loaded, to the Blueshirts taking one moronic, game-changing penalty after another… to the world ending. Seriously, you name it and it all seems possible right now.

I should probably be more pissed about the Rangers’ despicable display in the Eastern Semis, but I’m not. Like I said after Game 1, it’s pretty hard to go nuts considering it’s blatantly obvious that the refs have been mandated to hand Sidney Crosby the Cup on a silver platter. That’s not to say that we’d be up in the series if all things were equal– the Pens are legit, there’s no denying that– but when they’re playing 9-on-5 all game, every game, getting your a$$ handed to you becomes a foregone conclusion.

The Yankees though?! Wow. Where do I even begin? I mean this is beyond painful to watch. Our hardest hit balls are dribblers to second base and flares to left-field, (Though kudos to Robbie for hitting that dinger. Can’t wait to see his next one about 3 weeks from now.)… and call me crazy, but something tells me the runs aren’t going to come pouring in anytime soon with A-rizzel and Jorgie on the shelf. And then you’ve got Phil Hughes and Ian Kennedy well on their way to making Paul Wilson and Bill Pulsipher look like f@#king Hall-of-Famers. I don’t know where the Aaron Smalls and Shawn Chacons are going to come from this time around, but we better find ‘em, and find ‘em fast. Otherwise Ohlendorf, Hawkins, and Albaledejo are going to go the way of Paul Quantrill, Tanyon Sturtze, and Scott Proctor before them and feel lucky just to be able use their right hands to hold their d@#ks when they piss by the time June rolls around, let alone use them to throw a baseball.

There’s been a lot of change near the top and bottom of the standings since week one, with Mashing Maters, MFH, and Behjota taking somewhat of a tumble while Chuck Wipple’s team formed in honor of white chicks has rocketed up the standings along with Super Bad– who jumped all the way from sixth to just 4 games out of first. And I know the season’s early, but Pabst and da booze are already playing themselves out of contention, finding themselves 6 and 7.5 games out of a playoff spot, respectively.

But the real story here continues to be my Matsui’s-anime-wife-inspired squad, who has held on to first for three weeks running and now finds itself 13-games over .500. I guess you could call us the anti-Yankees. Though here’s hoping we don’t crash in burn in June right about when the Yanks start taking over the world…

Sure, they probably won’t pull this thing off, but so long as the possibility remains, I’ll gladly take a seat on ATL’s bandwagon. Buck Foston!!!

Just when we thought we’d heard the last of Roi-ger Clemens, it’s become pretty obvious that we haven’t even scraped the tip of the iceberg…

Roger Clemens carried on a decade-long affair with country star Mindy McCready, a romance that began when McCready was a 15-year-old aspiring singer performing in a karaoke bar and Clemens was a 28-year-old Red Sox ace and married father of two, several sources have told the Daily News.The revelations could torpedo claims of an unsullied character that are central to the defamation suit Clemens filed Jan. 6 against his former personal trainer Brian McNamee. Vivid details of the affair could surface in several media projects that McCready is involved with - including a documentary that begins filming today in Nashville, a new album and a reality show…

If people weren’t convinced that Clemens juiced, then they better be now. I mean it’s painfully obvious that this guy is the poster-child for self-destructive behavior. At the age of 28 he was in the prime of his career, the most beloved player in Boston, arguably the best pitcher in all of baseball, and he could’ve had his pick of any chick in the world… and instead he goes and molests a 15-year-old??? (I’ll hold off on attacking her looks ’cause she’s the victim of a crime if these allegations are true.) It’d be one thing if he was slipping out the back door to go meet up with Shania Twain, in which case we’d all just say, “Sucks for Debbie Clemens, but she probably should’ve expected something like that to happen at some point.” But this?! If you’re cheating on your wife by committing statutory rape, then I’m pretty sure cheating at baseball is somewhere on your list of hobbies as well. And by the way– this all pretty much guarantees that McCready’s reality show will be a hit. Think about it– won’t you be tuning in to every episode just to see if she blurts out some salacious story about the Rocket? ‘Cause I will be.

This is something the Rangers might wanna watch… except they should forget about the fact that they’re the bad guys in Mystery, Alaska and go about their business like they’re Russell Crowe and Co.

The Yankees second baseman has less hits in this young season than there are pictures of Lindsay Lohan with underwear on. So why is the American League’s reigning on-the-road batting average leader over the past two seasons not hitting? There are several schools of thought when it comes to slumps: a new approach that seemed to work during spring training isn’t working now; or it’s a mental thing– the scoreboard reflects an abysmal batting average and then all that the batter does it try to get a hit and thinks only about that rather than reading the ball’s release from the pitcher’s hand, etc.; or there’s always the “they just might not be ’seeing’ the ball” thing (this terminology annoys me because, well, it’s white and it’s usually against a background of green and a dark outfield fence, very tough to miss); and, of course, there’s whatever other genius excuse the media comes up with (except for us here in SC Nation, because well, the writers grew up playing sports and readers live and breathe them, so we know a thing or two about it, unlike your favorite writer in the Post or Daily News).

My personal opinion is that Robbie is finally feeling the pressure of playing in New York, especially since other young stars are stepping up. For example, Melky Cabrera is 3 homeruns away from his TOTAL from last season, and his play in the outfield has been somewhat tremendous… and the fact that he has a cannon just makes him more of an obvious choice to be our starting CF for a while now. And then you’ve got Shelley Duncan, who hits the ball a mile-and-a-half (when he gets wood on it) and saved The Captain from an E6 the yesterday day, which makes him a strong contender to start at first, especially since the lack of hits that have been forthcoming with runners in scoring position/poor defense seems to be what is keeping the Yankees’ floating around .500. Then there are Phil Hughes and Ian Kennedy, who are not pitching like the phenoms that they have been proclaimed to be, but then again, this isn’t their third season in the bigs so we’ll cut them some slack. And then there is, of course, Joba– he exemplifies a true love of the game and his passion is evidenced in his intensity after a strikeout (and after C.C. Sabathia verbally raped his glove and the ground near the pitcher’s mound after a big strikeout in his loss to WANG, [Jeter is great with the purposeful mispronunciation of Wang], the other day, Joba can do an Irish jig and no one better say jack).

Robbie may be feeling like he needs to step it up, especially after signing a pretty decent contract. My advice? He needs to just play baseball and not worry about the hype that is given to all the other young-uns and not try and compete with his teammates for the NY spotlight, where it really shines only for the preceding day’s hero (which is something that everyone knows when donning the Pinstripes). If Cano can just go up there and think about playing a game that he loves, rather than doing a job, he can get back to form and start jumping up and down with Melky in the dugout. And that kind of youthful enthusiasm is contagious, and it would be a very good thing to catch in the Bronx right about now.

Today is a good day to be a Met fan as we finally took a series from the Braves. And as if things couldn’t get any better, Carlos Delgado actually decided to join the season and hit two homeruns in the series finale. Going forward, things are looking pretty good for the Mets (Minus Alou’s broken ankle. Though, honestly, did you really expect to see him before August anyway?). Not only are the Braves’ starters ready to collect their AARP cards with Tom “I promise I gave 100% in that last game” Glavine on the DL with a hammy injury and John Smoltz feeling discomfort in his pitching shoulder, but with Mike Hampton already shelved for God knows how long, this is the perfect time for the Mets to go on a run and bury one of their primary division foes. Now let’s hope they do it…

Just a week after Danica Patrick became the first woman driver to win an IndyCar Race, Ashley Force became the first chickee to win a Funny Car event. What else do these women have in common, aside from making it big in 2nd-rate (if that) racing circuits? They’re both fairly attractive. Unfortunately, we’ll probably never know who the better driver is (though in the words of MFH, “They both suck anyway.”), but we can determine one thing for sure– which one of these better-than-average-looking ladies would finish first in the Cutie 500. So who ya got…

Danica Patrick

or Ashley Force

PS– I’m well aware that there are way hotter pics of Danica than the one I posted splashed all over the internet, just waiting to be copied and pasted to the site. But Ashley’s at a decided disadvantage in the “almost-pornographic-but-not-quite” picture department, so I had to make this a fair fight. Just figured I’d offer that little disclaimer before my inbox exploded.

Brett Favre was named the Madden ‘09 Cover Athlete on Friday. I’m just wondering how none of us saw this coming? I mean this was about as predictable as finding Pacman Jones in a strip club… at noon… on a Tuesday.

After being robbed of my childhood time-and-again by all those bullsh*t calls MJ got against the Knicks, I am not about to have my adult fan-life ruined by Gary Bettman’s elaborate conspiracy to shove Crosby down our throats by giving him all sorts of phantom calls in the hopes that everyone will fall head-over-heels in love with the NHL when he wins a championship. Yeah, I know what you’re thinking, “If Bettman wants fans, wouldn’t it make more sense then for the Rangers to win the Cup?” And if you’re also still wondering why no one gives two sh*ts about hockey, there’s your answer. The Blueshirts can’t let this go though. None of this “we take the high road/we win with class, we lose with class” garbage. I want everyone from Tom Renney on down to the equipment guy complaining their a$$es off about that Game 1 hose-job. Sure, we should’ve never let the Pens back in that game, but giving up game-winning goals becomes a lot easier when the opposition’s leading point-man has the linesmen in his back pocket. I don’t care what kind of ridiculous fines Bettman metes out, someone has to make an issue of this. And if no one cares? So what, at least we’ll go down fighting. Oh yeah, and the Yankees suck… alright, I’m done. Everyone enjoy your Friday night!

Actually, why bother? We all know what’s going to happen anyway…

“Obviously the Jets know something that, you know, the people up here don’t.”