Countdown to Opening Day: Three Days!!!

The first game of the season is just around the corner, we’re a week into Spring… and I wake up to 3 inches of snow this morning! Global warming, please come back… I freakin’ miss you already. Conveniently enough, the Yanks are steering clear of the Northeast and they’re chillin’ on South Beach until Sunday (lucky bastards), but there was some big news coming out of Florida yesterday, and it didn’t necessarily revolve around Legends Field being renamed George M. Steinbrenner Field (though more on that in a minute). Instead, it was word that Hideki Matsui flew to Manhattan late Wednesday night to elope with a mystery bride.

Now usually I’d just say “Hmmm, it’s kinda odd that he didn’t tell anyone, but I guess people from different cultures don’t care much for the whole ‘I gotta tell all my buddies– even people I haven’t spoken to in over 10 years– about this so they can throw me a ridiculous bachelor party’ thing like we do here in the States.” But the weird side-stories here make this whole thing more-than-a-little sketchy. First, Matsui conned Jeets and Abreu into letting him join a bet where the first person to wed would get one-grand… all the while knowing full well that he was about to tie the knot. I guess he needed the money after Benihana demanded some compensation for all the Matsui ads they ran during the 130-games he missed over the past two seasons. Then, he released this bizarre statement about the nuptials: “I, Hideki Matsui, am getting married. I have decided to spend my whole life with her.” Eeeeaaaaasssy, Hideki. No need to recite your vows again to the general public. I’m pretty sure we all understand that when you marry someone, it’s because you want to be with them forever. Well, unless you’re a fake-boobed corporate secretary in the Tri-state area. Then you’re just trading in five years of sex and 9-months of pregnancy for 7-figure alimony and child support payments. But the craziest part, by far, has to be the fact that he married a police sketch-artist’s rendering of an asian chick. Come on, Hideki, I’m pretty sure you could’ve splurged for one of those $10,000 dollar sex dolls. Or maybe Sony’s already making sex robots, who knows? Either way, marrying a Playboy magazine would’ve been a better idea.

Back to the whole Legends Field = Steinbrenner Field thing for a second: during yesterday’s broadcast, Kenny Singleton and Al “Just Shut Up Already” Leiter were discussing all the charitable works Steinbrenner has done over the years, which ultimately compelled the local Tampa government to rename the field in Steinny’s honor. Call me crazy, but aren’t they just doing this because the Steinbrenner family brings thousands-upon-thousands of tourists and pumps millions-and-millions of dollars into Tampa every year courtesy of that little baseball team they own? They pretty much had to kiss the Boss’ ring sooner or later, didn’t they?