Alright, so there isn’t much going on in the sporting world right now. Football, as you may have heard, ended a few weeks ago, and try as we may to get amped for baseball, there are only so many “Are Jeets and A-rod homies again?” stories I can read before just calling it a day and asking someone to wake me when it’s March 31st. So rather than manufacture some mindless nonsense, I’ll talk about something important today– the Oscars. Actually, that’s a lie. I’ve never watched an Academy Awards in all my 20-something-years, so I’m not about to feign an interest in it now. I’ll save all that for when the future Mrs. Monnie D., Esq.– whoever that may be– forces me to do stuff like that in exchange for not canceling my Yankees’ season tickets.
But what did catch my eye was this little exposé on Oscar-winner Tilda Swinton: The willowy, redheaded actress has twins with Scottish artist and playwright John Byrne, 68, while traveling the world with New Zealand painter Sandro Kopp, 29. The relationships have become fodder for the British press, who have called Swinton’s personal love life “a ménage a trois style arrangement.”
Um, am I missing something here? I know she’s famous. Heck, now she’s even an Oscar-winner. But how the hell are these two guys getting sandbagged by a chick who looks like she died about six or seven years ago? If it were Alessandra Ambrosio then I’d say, “Fine. I’d probably give my left whatever to be in the same position as one of these guys.” But Tilda f#@%ing Swinton?! She makes Kyra Sedgwick look like the second coming of Marilyn Monroe. (Sorry, Kevin Bacon, I guess your career went down the crapper along with your taste in women.) Honestly, do we really want to bring children into a world where Tilda Swinton is porking two dudes while Jen Aniston can’t even get a date? I think not.
February 27th, 2008 at 3:00 pm
I watched them, in fact, I’ve watched them in all of my 20 something years, and the highlight…Jack Nicholson being referenced three or four times for being a player, even at like 70 and John Stewart…he was funny, more funny then Ellen DeGeneres vacuuming during the show last year. Those being the highlights, couldn’t agree with you more, Tilda is flippin hideous and Kyra Sedgwick, well, no way in hell could she be the second coming, in fact, I don’t know how you’d come in the first place!
Another disappointment was the fact that Jessica Alba was rocking her baby bump. Sure I had no chance in hell of meeting her, yet alone knocking her up, HOWEVER, the fact that I know she has been deflowered is earth shattering because she could get it…like, alot and not by some schmuck (who she WILL be getting married to…living in sin much?).
And if I can go quickly back to Tilda…if she gets a 68 year old up…all I’m saying is that whatever pill he pops better be around when I’m his age because THAT thing is a miracle worker.
February 27th, 2008 at 5:13 pm
hahahahahahahah the only thing that would make it better is if they called it the Miracle Worker. Why even bother jazzing it up with some stupid new age-y name like viagra, or levitra… erectra… hardontra… just telling people it’s doing God’s work should get the point across