The Top 5 Non-football-related Super Bowl Moments of the past Decade

We’re less than a week away from the Big Game and as if you weren’t already experiencing Super Bowl overload, the next few days should put us all over the top. So why not take this Monday to focus on some of the events that have made the game the spectacle that it is… even when the game itself wasn’t worth watching:

5) El Hombre de la Familia (Super Bowl XXXIII)
Following a Supe that would become better known for the antics that took place prior to the game (more on that in a bit), the nation was introduced to a moronic father struggling to keep his family afloat in the suburbs while still trying to enjoy some free time with his three buddies, one of whom is a paraplegic, the other a swinger, and the other a neurotic black dude. The progressive-friendly “Rat Pack” for the new millennium? Sure… or you could just call it “Family Guy.”

4) Wardrobegate (Super Bowl XXXVIII)
In what was an odd pairing to begin with, Jacko’s lil’ sis and JT gave a whole new meaning to the word “bizarre” when they took the lyrics of “Rock Your Body” a little too seriously as Timberlake went ahead and ripped off part of Janet’s bustier. Was it offensive? Maybe. But not nearly as offensive as Jackson’s taste in body-piercings. Men everywhere will never be able to look at an areola the same way again.

3) Pre-game Warmup (Super Bowl XXXIII)
On the eve of the Supe, Falcons’ safety Eugene Robinson received the Bart Starr Award, which is given to the player who demonstrates high moral character. How did he celebrate? By soliciting a hooker on Ocean Drive, of course. The only problem (aside from Robinson being a total hypocrite): little Miss Hotpants was actually an undercover police officer. Robinson claimed it was the first time that had ever happened. Crazy thing is, I believe him– I’m guessing that was probably the first time the prostitute actually turned out to be a cop.

2) M.I.A. (Super Bowl XXXVII)
Most people would say the most important position is the QB position, but first you need a decent center to snap him the ball. Well not only did the Raiders have one, but they had a pretty darn good one in Pro-Bowler Barret Robbins. That is before he went missing during the lead-up to the Super Bowl. Robbins turned up a few days before the game… in a San Diego hospital being treated for bipolar disorder and depression. If anyone should sue for malpractice, it’s Robbins– two years later he got into a shootout with cops in Miami and was charged with attempted murder.

1) Dude!!! (Super Bowl XXXVIII - XLII)
I know what you’re saying, “How is this not football-related considering these gals are actually playing FOOTBALL?” Well, if you’re that naive there’s no hope for you. The only thing stopping the Lingerie Bowl from setting ratings records is the fact that it’s on pay-per-view. Stick it on cable, find a corporate sponsor or two to finance a full season, and feminists will finally have what they’ve always wanted– a big-time women’s professional sports league. Or not exactly. Who cares, either way it’s a good idea.