These last two weeks have proved that the media plays just as big a part in the Super Bowl hoopla as the game itself. And while the NFL’s season will come to an end Sunday, that hardly means the media blitz will end there. Writers across the country will spend the better part of late Sunday night trying to come up with catchy phrases to throw on the backpages. We here at Subway Chatter offer up a few ideas about what your favorite paper might be saying Monday morning (feel free to throw us your own suggestions too)…

1. Plaxico Burr-ied: Giants’ WR gets double-covered, has one meaningless reception as G-men get deep-sixed.

2. Daddy’s Dearest: Eli wins Supe in just his 4th season, passes older bro Peyton as Archie’s favorite.

3. A Very Brady Sequel: Golden Boy follows up MVP regular season by winning award in XLII.

4. Holy F#@$ing Sh%t!!!: Giants shock the world, beat Patriots… all of America stupefied.

5. Kill Flipper: Pats complete perfect season, ‘72 Dolphins commit mass suicide.

I still think this thing is going to go down, but the Santana deal is no longer a sure thing as of today. Alright humor me here– if this thing really does blow up in Omar Minaya’s face, will the Mets ever be able to bounce back from all that’s happened in the last six months? First you complete one of the most historic choke jobs in MLB history, and then you trade for baseball’s best pitcher to prevent that from ever happening again… only to find out he’ll never actually wear a Mets uniform??? I mean this would instantly put them in New York Knicks territory, if they aren’t there already. Granted this is all speculative at this point, but for a such a “sure thing,” the Santana trade is looking awfully tenuous right about now.

The Super Bowl… the Santana Trade… political primaries… how much can the average person handle? Hopefully the Pats win this Sunday (just don’t blame me if the stock market crashes), ’cause I’m at my breaking point. They say sometimes talking about things is the best stress release, so if you’ll be kind enough to listen, here’s what I’m thinking right now:

First, the Santana trade: If you’re a Met fan, you’ve got to be in a state of catatonic delirium right now. I know I’m going out on a limb here, but somehow I don’t see the Mets choking like dogs again anytime soon; kinda hard to lose 12 of 17 with ol’ number 57 toeing the rubber every five days. As a Yankee fan, though, this all makes me want to puke. How does Twins GM Bill Smith wake up this morning with a job? If someone offers you two everyday players, one of whom is destined to be a top-of-the-rotation stud (Phil Hughes) and the other is a talented young OF-er (Melky Cabrera), how do you then turn around and trade one of the best pitchers of his generation for a bag of crap? I guess if you’re a jackass you would, but you’d have to hope a professional sports executive would be somewhat intelligent. Then again, Steve Phillips was a GM for almost four years, so what do I know?

Alright, the Super Bowl: can they just play the damn game already? I’ll have gotten married, had a kid or two, and retired by the time this thing kicks off. And seriously– what purpose does Media Day serve? If I want to hear bizarre anecdotes and random thoughts on life, I’ll just call up my friends and we’ll talk about what went down last weekend. Though Tuesday confirmed the obvious– Tom Brady is the freakin’ man. Some babe from one of those Spanish TV networks proposes to him, and how does he wiggle out of it? By getting every woman in America to have an even BIGGER crush on him by saying “[No,] I’m a one-woman kind of guy.” Guys, if you want to pick up chicks, stop reading “The Game” and just wait for Brady’s autobiography to come out after he retires.

And last, and DEFINITELY least, politics: Is it just me, or is anyone else wondering how politicians seem to be the only human beings capable of sharing a “mutual respect” for people that they’d just as soon like to see hit by a bus? If someone spent the last five months trying to convince the public that you suck at what you do, that they can do a job infinitely better than you could ever hope to, and that you’re basically the worst thing to happen to America since trans-fats, I’m thinking “respect” would be way down on your “things-I’d-like-to-do-to-that-person” list.

Phew, I feel a lot better now. Time to go watch some more mindless Super Bowl coverage…

Need a reason to root for the Giants? I don’t, and this being a New York-focused site, many of you probably don’t either. But here’s one anyway: whenever an original National Football League team wins the Super Bowl (like the G-men), the stock market rises that year; the market falls when a team like the New England Patriots– an original American Football League team who joined the NFL via the 1970 merger– wins.

Now I know what you’re thinking, “How dependable can a crazy predictor like that be?” Well my friend, it’s been more reliable than most stock market indicators, technical, fundamental, sentimental, or otherwise. The “Super Bowl predictor” has correctly indicated the direction of the Dow Jones Industrial Average for the year following 33 of the 41 previous Super Bowls. That’s an amazing 81% success rate!!! Ask your financial advisor if he’s been right on the direction of the stock market 81% of the time. If most hedge fund managers were toting stats like that there would be a hell of a lot more demand for Bentleys and yachts in the developed world.

Given the recent stock market turmoil, many Americans could use a nice market rally in 2008. If you have money sitting in the stock market right now, you may want to think twice before you put on your Patriots jersey before Super Bowl XLII. Is it really worth a reduction in your personal wealth to see Tom Brady and Co. cap off an undefeated season? In fact, I’ll pose the question to Tom (after all, he is an avid reader of mine): Hey buddy, I know you have a lot of money at play in the stock market. Do you really want to see your massive wealth deteriorate greatly, forcing you to significantly reduce your spending, suddenly rendering your good looks and football success inadequate, leading Giselle to dump you for someone with some real money (like perhaps a certain Subway Chatter writer who put all of his money into put options on the Dow once the Pats won), and then you’ll have to read about their wonderful relationship every day because, although it kills you, he’s such a great and entertaining writer that you keep coming back for more each day. Is that what you really want, Tom? It’s just a little something for you to think about when you take the field Sunday evening against the Giants.

It is cool again to be a Met fan: the Amazins won the Santana Sweepstakes! Now instead of counting down the days until the Mets hired their next white general manger, I can wait for the explosion in the Bronx when Hammerin’ Hank Steinberger…brenner… whatever… wallops Brain Cashman for not wanting to pay Johan Santana. Believe me— now more than ever, Cashman has staked his legacy (job) on the success of his young guns. And this trade certainly dissipates my dislike of Omar Minaya. I still don’t like the Lastings Millidege deal from earlier in the offseason, or the lack of top-flight prospects in the Mets farm system (who the Twins are now stuck with, ha!), but at least for 2008 the Mets are relevant again.

Johan Santana will be pitching in New York in 2008, but not in the Bronx. The New York Mets reached a tentative agreement with the Twins for superstar lefty Johan Santana, immediately filling by far the biggest void on their roster: an ace starter. The deal, which is pending a physical and contract extension for Santana, has the Mets giving up four prospects– outfielder Carlos Gomez and pitchers Phil Humber, Deolis Guerra and Kevin Mulvey. This is a huge deal for the Mets, immediately making them a favorite in the National League again; acquiring the preeminent pitcher in the majors will do that. Amazingly enough, Twins GM Bill Smith didn’t even demand the Mets’ number one prospect, Fernando Martinez. The Twins have to be seen as losers in this deal by holding out for too much. Admittedly, I don’t know anything about the four prospects they are getting in this deal, and by all accounts this is the fourth best deal they were offered for Santana. The top three were the two Red Sox offers: one centered around John Lester and one centered around Jacoby Elsbury, and the Yankees offer centered around Phil Hughes. These offers were pulled from the table during the winter meetings and now the Twins have been forced to accept an inferior deal.

The Yankees and Red Sox also have to be seen as losers here. If the Sox put Lester back on the table they could have acquired the best pitcher in baseball and immediately had the most formidable 1-2 starters since the Curt Schilling/Randy Johnson duo in Arizona (and likely even more dominant than that pairing). This would have made the Sox the run away favorites to repeat as World Champs. The Yankees, along those same lines, could unquestionably use an ace like Santana, as their starting rotation is clearly their biggest question mark heading into the ’08 season. One can’t help but think the Yankees, as constructed, are a little short of competing with the Red Sox and Tigers for the AL pennant this season.

However, one thing is clear: the Mets came out of this as HUGE winners. They obtained the services of the most dominant pitcher in baseball without even parting with a top prospect, much less an every day player from their roster.

Plaxico Burress did Patrick Ewing one better yesterday– not only did he predict victory in Supe XLII, but he was even kind enough to fill us in on the final score: 23-17 G-men. Just think, it could’ve been worse– Hillary “I’m a true New Yorker” Clinton could be backing Big Blue too. Oh wait, she is? Now how does this work? If you get jinxed twice, do the two cancel each other out? I guess that’s just about all you can hope for right now if you’re a Giants fan.

The New York Yankees will not make the playoffs. While the rest of the sports world is licking the balls of the New England Patriots and the New York Giants (I don’t know about you but I am tired of hearing the “inspirational” stories of various players on both sides) the other major sports have largely been ignored. Recently, it has been reported that the Yanks have secured the services of Robinson Cano for at least four more years. This bit of news— hidden under the heartwarming stories of players such as Chris Snee (Who really cares if he is a small town hero?)— planted the question of whether the Yankees are going to make the playoffs? Unfortunately for you Yankee-diehards, I don’t see them reaching the postseason (I won’t even mention the bum ass Mets) because of their lack of pitching.

A rotation featuring Ian Kennedy, Phil Hughes and Joba Chamberlain looks like it will be formidable… about 2 years from now. Unfortunately for Joe Girardi and Co., we are living in the present and a staff featuring three rookies can’t be considered a strength. Especially, when the rookies are have innings limits and the most talented of them all— Joba Chamberlain— may start the season in the bullpen. Speaking of the ‘pen, that’s another mystery heading into the 2008 season. We all know what Mariano Rivera brings to the table, but what about the rest of the guys seated beyond the “399” marker? Who is the bridge to # 42? Those questions remain largely unanswered.

I know the Yankees made the playoffs with basically the same roster last season, but the Tigers went to Upgrade-U in the offseason and the Indians are the defending Central Division Champs. Not to mention the Mariners are now poised to trade for an potential ace in Eric Bedard. All this, combined with the rise of the Blue Jays, will make the American League extremely difficult to navigate. What that means is the Yankees cannot pull a Mets and win 88 games, and still remain in contention. Actually, if the Yankees win only 88 games this season, then Brian Cashman will probably be fired and Hank Steinbrenner will bring the Zoo back to the Bronx. Now maybe I’m wrong and the Yankees will go out and drop 100 wins, but like the many sports columnists/bloggers who litter the internet with their “expert” opinions, you will have long forgotten about my bold prediction: “The Yankees will not make the playoffs.”

The Rocket’s on the offensive again, and this time he deployed his minions on a MISSION:IMPOSSIBLE– prove Clemens didn’t take the juice by using inane statistics and asinine analysis. Well, the Clemens Report– which somehow just seems destined to be less impactful than the Mitchell Report– failed to convince me that Roger’s Mr. Clean. But I did learn a thing or two from reading the 45 soon-to-be pieces of toilet paper…

1) Humans start to experience physical decline in their mid-30s: Earthshattering!!! Seriously, someone call the World Health Organization. This could save the lives of millions of people. Why the general public wasn’t made aware of this already is beyond me.

2) Old grudges die hard: There are nearly five pages (pages 18-23 if you’re dying to read ‘em) devoted directly, or sublimely, to attacking former Red Sox GM Dan Duquette’s claim that Clemens was in the “twighlight of his career” by the time 1996 rolled around. He even throws a favorable Peter Gammons quote or two in there just for good measure. Seriously man, just let it go! Things worked out pretty well for you elsewhere. Either Clemens is the most vindictive person alive, or he’s more hyper-emotional than an adolescent schoolgirl. On another level, though, team executives should seriously consider insulting their superstars on a regular basis; it could prove to be the most effective motivational tactic in the history of modern sport. Big contracts and fans’ jeers don’t seem to get the job done, but if telling a guy he’s a scrub drives him to be one of the greatest pitchers of all-time, then gosh darnit what the hell are we waiting for? Granted it could also lead him to use banned substances, but let’s focus on the positive here.

3) Roger Clemens is dumber than we thought he was, or at least he thinks we’re all as dumb as he is: the crux of the report essentially states that Roger Clemens couldn’t have possibly taken steroids because his career seems to mirror those of his exceptional contemporaries– Curt Schilling, Nolan Ryan, and Randy Johnson. So what you’re saying, Roger, is that just because those guys were never accused of taking ‘roids, we should just accept that you never did either because your numbers are so similar to theirs? How’s this for a whacky theory, Rocketman– is it at all possible that the only reason you experienced like success was because you TOOK steroids? Did you follow that there? Should I go over that again for ya? Clemens was born on April 4, 1962, but apparently all our birth certificates read “January 28, 2008.”

Now what we don’t know is how long Clemens’ camp intends to keep producing this kind of crap. Though to be honest, I’ve never been one to turn down free entertainment, so keep it comin’, Rog.

We made SPORTS ILLUSTRATED!!! The question is how will we handle our success? Will we go off the deep end and burn out in our prime, or will we rise up to be one of the great blogs of all-time? (The rhyme was unintentional, I swear) Eh, we’ll settle for somewhere in between for right now…

We’re less than a week away from the Big Game and as if you weren’t already experiencing Super Bowl overload, the next few days should put us all over the top. So why not take this Monday to focus on some of the events that have made the game the spectacle that it is… even when the game itself wasn’t worth watching:

5) El Hombre de la Familia (Super Bowl XXXIII)
Following a Supe that would become better known for the antics that took place prior to the game (more on that in a bit), the nation was introduced to a moronic father struggling to keep his family afloat in the suburbs while still trying to enjoy some free time with his three buddies, one of whom is a paraplegic, the other a swinger, and the other a neurotic black dude. The progressive-friendly “Rat Pack” for the new millennium? Sure… or you could just call it “Family Guy.”

4) Wardrobegate (Super Bowl XXXVIII)
In what was an odd pairing to begin with, Jacko’s lil’ sis and JT gave a whole new meaning to the word “bizarre” when they took the lyrics of “Rock Your Body” a little too seriously as Timberlake went ahead and ripped off part of Janet’s bustier. Was it offensive? Maybe. But not nearly as offensive as Jackson’s taste in body-piercings. Men everywhere will never be able to look at an areola the same way again.

3) Pre-game Warmup (Super Bowl XXXIII)
On the eve of the Supe, Falcons’ safety Eugene Robinson received the Bart Starr Award, which is given to the player who demonstrates high moral character. How did he celebrate? By soliciting a hooker on Ocean Drive, of course. The only problem (aside from Robinson being a total hypocrite): little Miss Hotpants was actually an undercover police officer. Robinson claimed it was the first time that had ever happened. Crazy thing is, I believe him– I’m guessing that was probably the first time the prostitute actually turned out to be a cop.

2) M.I.A. (Super Bowl XXXVII)
Most people would say the most important position is the QB position, but first you need a decent center to snap him the ball. Well not only did the Raiders have one, but they had a pretty darn good one in Pro-Bowler Barret Robbins. That is before he went missing during the lead-up to the Super Bowl. Robbins turned up a few days before the game… in a San Diego hospital being treated for bipolar disorder and depression. If anyone should sue for malpractice, it’s Robbins– two years later he got into a shootout with cops in Miami and was charged with attempted murder.

1) Dude!!! (Super Bowl XXXVIII - XLII)
I know what you’re saying, “How is this not football-related considering these gals are actually playing FOOTBALL?” Well, if you’re that naive there’s no hope for you. The only thing stopping the Lingerie Bowl from setting ratings records is the fact that it’s on pay-per-view. Stick it on cable, find a corporate sponsor or two to finance a full season, and feminists will finally have what they’ve always wanted– a big-time women’s professional sports league. Or not exactly. Who cares, either way it’s a good idea.

In trying to prep the site for our inaugural podcast, I managed to burn it to the ground. We’ll be sure to work out the kinks so we can bring one to you this weekend. Oh, and feel free to re-subscribe to the site– all user accounts were lost in the process. Again, my bad. At least no one lost a mansion in all this.

Sometimes breaking up is hard to do. Especially when breaking up with someone you love. Recently I have gone through one of my own and I’m dealing with the inevitable emotional baggage. However, in coping with the split I have looked at the Giants breakup with Tiki Barber as a source of inspiration to help me get through my bleak moment.

As we all know, the Giants had a messy breakup from their all time leading rusher and arguably their best player. However, they didn’t let the turmoil set them back as they went form mediocre to Super in one season. It is hard to replace all the good things Tiki provided— his ability to produce both in the running and passing game and the grittiness to play every down. When Tiki peaced out, he left a big hole on the Giants roster and I, like so many other Giant fans, thought it would be impossible to replace a player of Tiki’s stature in just one off-season. Yet surprisingly, the G-men filled this void and then some.

Although it took more than one player to replace Tiki, Jerry Reese and Co. found a group of guys who were able to make us all forget about number 21. Brandon Jacobs has turned into a wonderful lead back, producing a 1000-yard season even though he played in only seven full games. Ahmad Bradshaw has developed to a potent complement to Jacobs; he possess many of the same cut-back running abilities as Tiki, but still busts through a D-line as hard as Jacobs. This powerful combo has spearheaded the Giants’ path towards the Super Bowl. And the added bonus? They’ve been able to produce on the field while managing to avoid causing all the turmoil that became a staple of Barber’s last couple of seasons with the Giants. Tiki couldn’t stop criticizing Tom Coughlin even though Coughlin was the same man who saved his career by fixing his fumbling problem. Not to mention it’s becoming quite clear that he was hindering the development of Eli Manning by sucking all the oxygen out of the room while he was practicing for his new job during the fourth hour of the Today Show. With Tiki no longer around, Eli has developed into a leader and, dare I say, perhaps a great quarterback.

While breaking up maybe hard to do, the Giants have proved that breaking away can be a good thing. I mean the positives abound— there are the salary cap savings (having a girlfriend is damn expensive), better locker room chemistry (I don’t know about you, but after a while the constant bickering just gets on your nerves) and improved self-esteem (look at Eli, he doesn’t look like such a dumb ass anymore). Finally, instead of having one great back, you can have a slew of legit ones; in my case, I just hope I didn’t give away a Ryan Grant from my practice squad .

Now bear with me here. I know that no one watches hockey, but something pretty big happened at the Garden last night: the Greatest Ranger of All Time– Brian Leetch– had his number retired. Think that title is misplaced? Well that’s understandable considering all anyone remembers is Mark Messier’s guarantee during the ‘94 Conference Finals and the ensuing hat trick that spared him the misfortune of becoming hockey’s version of Patrick Ewing. But had it not been for #2’s Conn Smythe-winning (playoff MVP) performance, the Rangers wouldn’t have even sniffed the Stanley Cup; Leetch racked up 34 points in 23 games, the second highest total ever for a defenseman. And that doesn’t even account for his two Norris Trophies (best defenseman), his Calder Trophy (rookie of the year, which is unheard of for a blue liner), and his 75 Ranger records. Leetch was one of maybe 3 players in the last 20 years– the other two being Ray Borque and Chris Chelios– who could control an entire game from the blue line. Yup, the guy was THAT good. My only beef with Leetch is that he played one season at Chestnut Hill University (commonly referred to as Boston College). But I guess I can let that slide.

One of our readers posted this and we felt it was just too good to leave it tucked away in a comment box. So here it is for your viewing pleasure.

Thanks to Analia for the link.